Poetry / Between

My broken heart pounds relentlessly,

My hands and my soul quivery endlessly,

And even though I love you this deeply,

There is only emptiness here and calamity,

Each shallow breath hurts more than the last,

And every tear scars deeper with its pass,

I can’t breathe anymore…

I can’t see anymore…

And I don’t understand why I even feel…

Anymore…

Theres only this lonliness,

Theres only this emptiness and hopelessness,

The clairvoyance of this confusion rules my soul…

I.. cant.. stay… this.. way..

I will die if I remain the same..

I can’t pretend anymore,

I can’t just mend anymore,

And I don’t comprehend anything..

Anymore..

Theres only this space between,

Theres all these things unseen,

Theres so much animosity,

Here… between

You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.

Reviews

June 07, 2008

libby

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
123	84.5% (71 votes)	9.1%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
20			October 06

libby reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I can see that this poem is full of emotion, but you’re not making me feel it for myself, which is what truly good poetry should do. You’re describing emotions and a state of mind, but without details about how you got there, it’s hard to connect with. A better poem would be about the process in which you came to feel this way (yes, it does require a lot more psychological effort, but it’s worth it) rather than just that you do. I’m just aching for a “why” in this poem.