Limericks / There once was a girl from Warrenton....

Thanks for the review.  You’re not the first to question the rhyme or meter.  It was only my second limerick, but I was still pleased with the message and ironic humour.  It was written for her too, so I wasn’t concerned with a good ‘score’ or meeting some literary standard.

I don’t agree with your suggested omissions, but thanks anyway.

I don’t think a second stanza is necessary.  It really doesn’t matter what his rantings were, as the whole point is the irony that you identified.  Yes, that was completely intentional as that’s the punchline.

I don’t know what the convention is for limericks, but yes I capitalized the first word on purpose.

You’re quite right, the rhyme isn’t exact.  It’s close, but as it was written about someone from the Warrenton area, I couldn’t change to a place that would allow better rhymes in L2 and L5.  I may work on it again in future, but I’m fairly happy with it as it stands.  If nothing else, it shows my progression in writing limericks.

There was a cute girl from my home town
All-aged guys wanted to be around
And when she made her choice
Based in part on his voice
He spoiled it cuz he’s a jealous clown

Just a suggestion…  Maybe you could change WARRENTON to MY HOME TOWN or WHERE I USED TO LIVE or IN FAYETTE COUNTY (or whatever county…).  

All of these alternatives would have easier rhyming words.

Good luck.

Thanks, I’m glad you liked it.  Adding humor to a limerick is critical IMO, and for me it’s also more important than the accuracy of the rhyme.

Your Welcome! I agree!!

Wulfenstraat, first off, thanks for the review.  I’m sorry to read that you didn’t rate this limerick higher than a ‘1’.  Was it really only worth a 1 because the rhymes weren’t perfect?

I agree that the rhymes were compromises and not exact, but I felt they were close enough to not matter too much.  If I’d changed ranting to rantin’, that would have been 2 out of 3 anyway.

I agree that the last line as the punchline should be as strong as possible.  In this case it isn’t rib-ticklingly-funny, but more ironic.  She chose him partly because of his voice, and he turned out to be a jealous ranter.  Don’t you find that funny in an ironic way?

As for being ‘usually very good’, this was my second limerick, so I guess you’re referring to my haiku/senryu.

Still, rantin’ and wantin’ don’t rhyme either.  I’d get rid of Warrenton in the first line because it limits your 2nd and 5th lines…

There once was a girl from South Haven
that guys young and old were all cravin’
after she made her choice
based in part on his voice
he spoiled it with his jealous ravin’

I don’t know, at least it rhymes…  Good luck.