That’s a great compliment. Thank you very much!!
Poetry / My Burning Pyre (Analysis)
I faulter,
As I sway
In the waves of their torment.
They hate me,
They defile me
In the worst possible ways.
They know nothing of me,
Nor of the rebellion
Slitting my soul,
A razor
Thru the deepest part of me.
I am soon to implode,
To retalliate
And it will not be
Because I care.
My love for them
Is my ending
And I am wrought
On a burning pyre.
Ever ridiculed
By their damned nation.
Cursing them
I bare no fear.
May I see the light
From so deep,
Within the blood engorged catacombs
Of my heart?
My throat rebells
From screaming,
As I am left
Alone.
Bleeding on the inside.
And the screaming. . .
O how I long
Just to forgive
As I am merely
A regret.
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ForeverFighting reviewed Version 2 -
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Elven_Vampiress reviewed Version 2 -
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I love the imagery here, and contrary to popular opinion apparently, the use of archaic linguistics. The only thing I might add is to play with the physicality of the piece a bit, adding a visuall element to it. Keep up the good work!
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BamaBelle reviewed Version 2 -
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I actually got it and there is a rhythm to it. I enjoyed reading it. It remidinded me of 16th to 17th century poetry.
Aeryn reviewed Version 2 -
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I apologise if i have already reviewed this but, all the same
The emotions in this piece are very powerful and evocative, and as a matter of fact i found it quite easy to read. our work is very unusual in that it seems to indicate a cry for help yet at the same time a fear of the hand that would be offered to raise you from your torment. As to your agent objective i believe for this kind of work a broad spectrum of material is appropriate, so as to showcase in the most complete sense your talents. Overall it is good and i implore that you keep it up. But remember that no mater how alone you feel, or how at odds you are to the world around you. You are never alone.
Keep it Up!
ae reviewed Version 2 -
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juniegirl reviewed Version 2 -
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The way you speak should never be changed- for that is a part of who you are. And in your writing that should shine forth, as this one does. Your writing is intense, and full of feelings of hurt, and pain. Like what you said ” I am soon to implode” it’s like your feelings are so bottled up they burst on your insides. I loved your poem and found it very well written.
jubaljam reviewed Version 2 -
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old tyme spelling is cool. but faulter is a noun. it cannot be used as a verb. i know you said not to mention that but you meant in regards to spelling. not definition. when they DID use that word it wasn’t used like that.
intial thoughts were that it seems to from the perspective of a sort of king, or leader who is conflicted on a grand scale by something on the world importance scale.
then it seemed, at the end, that this was just an orphan or bastard with delusions of grandeur. i enjoyed it more when it was proud.
as far as the other side of the looking glass… it’s not just glass, its a mirror and i enjoy my reflection.
Aeryn reviewed Version 1 -
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Nice, you utilise the broken stanzas well and i actually think it was a good choice to display the poem in this fashion. Apart from the first of your double question marks. (From so deep? is the ? necessary)I can see partly why but it breaks up the piece in the wrong place for me personally. You have certinaly achieved your last goal for me. A brilliant approach to highlighting the black sheep among the flock of normality.
Keep it up!
perfct2u reviewed Version 1 -
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Overall, your use of mis-spelled or “olde tyme” words does not inhibit the context of this poem. One suggestion is below:
- May I see the light
From so deep? <--- “May” seems oddly placed here. With the context of the poem, the narrator being inhibited by captures, perhaps using: can, would, will; in place of “may” to create a different meaning to these lines.
purseonwheels reviewed Version 1 -
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My love for them
Is my ending
And I am wrought
On a burning pyre.
Your use of the word “wrought” conjures conflicting images. You talk of an ending and a pyre is a method of destruction and carries the image of that ending. However, the word “wrought” means to produce something and because of that, it creates a contradiction and confusion.
May I see the light
From so deep?
Within the blood engorged catacombs
Of my heart?
The use of the word “may” doesn’t work as it implies that you’re asking for permission. And I know you had intended to have broken lines, but this is a wonderful image and its hindered by the ”?” after “deep” – I think this would be a much stronger and complete image by removing the first ”?”
My throat rebells
From screaming,
As I am left
Alone.
How does your throat rebel? Are we talking about pain, loss of your voice, what? I think there’s a better way to describe what you mean here. If you are talking about the loss of your voice, again, you create a wonderful and complex image as your are abandoned by everything including your voice. But unless you lead the reader to that fact, the impact is lost. “Rebel” could mean so many things here.
And the use of the word “screaming” twice and so close together dilutes your point.
And I love this:
O how I long
Just to forgive
As I am merely
A regret.
Overall, I liked this piece but, as stated above, there are some items that require some attention. Good luck!
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