Lyrics / I'm Sorry My Love

hi there,

very good..i like the song structure and what’s behind the thoughts and emotion of the lyric..you seem to have a flair with those old time poets i see, like what you write might better off being recited, like true poetry, then written and sung like lyrics, cause in my opinion, you can’t mix both, which is why there is a poetry category/and a lyric/ but it was a well written piece just the same..hope to see more of you in print…:)..later, jim

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July 23, 2008

by hippopotimoose_moo

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
77	74.2% (31 votes)	72.9%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
22	F	Olive Hill, KY	September 27

I hope to put a Flyleaf sound to it, the soft during the verse and kinda screaming explosion in the chorus.  I think it would work well.  Thanks for your review I appreciate it.    sincerely,  steph

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I liked it, though it would help me to try and get a feel for the song if you had an idea of what kind of music might go with it. I am concerned that there doesn’t seem to be any uniformity in your verses, either in line length or in the number of lines in the verse – not that it is necessary, but it can help when trying to get a feel for the style of song you are going for. I did like the double meanings you incorporated too. :-)

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April 14, 2008

by hippopotimoose_moo

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
77	74.2% (31 votes)	72.9%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
22	F	Olive Hill, KY	September 27

I was thinking of a droaning Amy Lee type of thing, kind of like My Immortal.  Perhaps, maybe even a hard core style like Nickelback (they’re my favorite band.)  I don’t know, my husband’ll help and I’ll get back to you (he plays guitar.)

April 14, 2008

by vampyrchik

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29	93.5% (31 votes)	16.2%

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27	F	Australia	May 17

I look forward to hearing what you come up with :-)

July 23, 2008

by hippopotimoose_moo

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
77	74.2% (31 votes)	72.9%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
22	F	Olive Hill, KY	September 27

I’ve think I’ve finally decided that the sound should be more Flyleaf-ish.  I love her voice and her mix of screaming sometymes, it’s very hard to think that they’re a Christian band but, hey, even Jesus got mad every once in awhile.

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I liked how well you displayed how sorry you were, and are. When you lie to someone, the other person generally thinks of it all the time, and I think that your line, “burning for what seems like forever,” displays that well. Just remember, “This too shall pass.”

Great lyrics, I could see it as a R&B type song. Keep up the good work.
-Jane

I love the chorus!
I can definitely relate, and i think a lot of people can relate.

“How can I stay alive, knowing I made you cry” – Love it!

Very well written….definitely from the heart.
Good emotion. You have a gift.

i have been on the other side of this song one time to many.  it actually helps me to think that the person who did wrong, hurts too.  i would be interested to know what sort of music you have/had in mind for this peice.  a dark goth sound or country or … i enjoyed this!

Telling a lie you know will hurt the one you love, even to be closer and more honest with a partner, is never easy. And sometimes the backlash isn’t as forgiving as it was in your case (you stayed). Reading these lyrics, brought me back to the low points in some of my relationships. It’s really touching, and as I write in many of the reviews of lyrics people request me to review, the words are only half the experience. Hopefully, Urbis will have an artists’ review section complete with full songs (music and all) to give a better, richer review. My suggestions are below, and keep in mind they are suggestions:

-“This, that, these, those, are words for which my mother knows.” My mother used to make me and my sibling practice pronunciation of the “th” at the beginning of the word to improve our enunciation. I’m sure, as with many lyrics, if I could hear the sound of the song (i.e.- instruments, tone, your voice, etc.) I’m sure the old english would not be noticeably out of season. Yes, in Shakespeare’s time or tyme a lot of people wrote and spoke that way. However, in this day and age where our language, idiosyncrasies, and synax are rapidly degrading, to me it just seems like lazy grammar.
- “The blood and the scars that flail me so” At first, flail did not seem like the correct word here yet after checking the dictionary, I recalled that flail could also be an actual instrument or, as is your use in this line, the flail is the blood and scars. You make it sound like the blood and scars are the instruments for making you feel like you had to leave. Very good, I think that will get many people re-thinking how they use the word flail not just as a verb but a noun.
- “Lovers like corpses in a puddle of piss.” This line is very hard for me to imagine how a) lovers lie in a puddle of piss and b) corpses lie in a puddle of piss. The corpses makes more sense, and yet I can understand you wanted to show that you and your husband were both at the bottom of everything and how it seemed you were drowning in the wake of your lie, once it was known.

hi there,

well this is a nice remorseful filled lyric, you don’t tell WHY you are so sorry but it sounds like you may have strayed away at one time, the title is good and the song is obviously about it but i don’t see it in the repeating chorus where it should be..(you want people to know the name of your song that they like and want to buy, right?...:),,nice job, jim

this is a good lyric  and i kan understand wat you are trying to say most of it is good but at the end i expected a little more i dont know just better ways to express emotion but overall i think it pretty good