My sister said that to me in a round about way when I was about 12. She said: “I wish I could get into your mind and see what makes you tick.” I found it odd and never forgot it. Thanks for the review.
Poetry / ANSWER ME!
Answer Me!
Secrets of a million minds pulling together as a force of one
Answers to riddles begin to fall in place
Answers are not allowed here!
Fear sets in amongst the strong
Confidence corrupts the timid
The world is turned upside down, yet only for a moment
Then sweet, sweet silence…
Interrupted
Laughter bellows from the city walls
Dark alleyways summon you by name
The secrets of a million minds whisper softly down cobblestone streets
Answers are not allowed here!
Sunlight cannot reach the homeless
Towering masses of brick and mortar shadow their existence
Their “mere existence”
Such angry hatred dances on wicked fingertips down cobblestone streets
And the tear stretches down
Like fire, it burns from the soul
Eyes upturned, begging for answers
As the secrets of a million minds, although as loud as thunder
Whisper too silently to hear the answer
For, answers are not allowed here.
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B_HDouglas reviewed Version 1 -
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I totally, and completely agree with this piece of yours. ”Fear sets in against the strong/Confidence corrupts the timid” is compassion at its finest.The third stanza, “Towering masses of brick…existence” rhymes and flows well with the first line, so good work. Overall, I prefer stanzas to be of equal length, and no adverbs (softly, silently), to make this become stronger. The last stanza is so rich with feeling, everyone would see their part in the cure, and not in “mere existence”. Heart felt narration.
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jadedpoet reviewed Version 1 -
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Hi there!
Though you state this was written a while back, it is timeless. At least for as long as man allows our cities to stand upright. I really loved the great visual drawn upon the poor wretched homeless, surviving (being ‘allowed’ to) in the shadows. Awesome! Ah your wonderous mind, if I could only find a way to sneak a peek inside. me…
gbaurbis reviewed Version 1 -
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From your notes I think this poem is published. So I am not sure what to review.
titles are so important. the capitalization in your readers’ face is good, but the poem but the poem lacks the energy of the title, for example: ”...then sweet, than silence…”
I’d suggest not to have ”!” because these lines are strong enough without them.
You have many lines that are present and past tense.
Great work. A lot of people don’t think a title is important, but it is the 1st thing, after the cover letter, that an editor or their readers see.
Your strongest line is: secrets of a million minds.
alecthegreat reviewed Version 1 -
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I like what’s going on in this poem (and congrats on getting it published). I do, however, feel like you could cut several words out of this and break up the long lines to make it better. 2nd stanza, third line: get rid of “yet.” No need for ellipses in the next line. Next line, cut “the.” Next line, cut “you.” Next line, cut “the.” 3rd stanza, 6th line: cut “it.” Cut the comma in the last line. Overall, a good poem.
carolinahermit reviewed Version 1 -
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Reach/dip into our pockets
You’ve managed to capture man’s blindness to his own inhumanity perfectly, so well in fact I’m shocked it got published!
tkstrokes reviewed Version 1 -
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Fear sets in amongst the strong
Confidence corrupts the timid
that is so real to me! i live that everyday i really liked the way u characterized the city and gave a face to the streets
effervescentpsyche reviewed Version 1 -
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So glad it got published, it definitely deserved it. I love the rhytem of your poem, and it is easily understood by any reader. Your spacing is perfect, beautiful poem. :)
tisha reviewed Version 1 -
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Wonderful. Probably one of the best most thought provoking pieces I’ve read on this sight so far. I wouldn’t change a thing. I especially liked the part about answers not allowed here.
Vegasamore reviewed Version 1 -
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I’m from a big city so it’s interesting to see this perspective. I don’t understand why the big city silenty wants to hear an answer.
The secrets of a million minds whisper softly down cobblestone streets
Answers are not allowed here!
I don’t know how to interept that but…. I like the idea that the secrets of all whisper softly down the streets. That’s genius. It’s true too. And there is images in my head though, of the city i come from but I would guess that this is Europe or so? My city is all pavements!
cognitivefusion reviewed Version 1 -
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this piece is very provocative, with “fear sets in amongs the strong / Confidence corrupts the timid, / The world is turned upside down . . ” This kind of sets the tone for the rest of the piece, with very strange juxtapositional phrases, that overall reinforces the last line “answers are not allowed here.” that seems to say that the world is full of confusion and there is not always sense to be made of things. This is a very powerful concept, and it is well said in this poem. your diction is very deliberate and real, and the free form is great. good job.
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