You’re right. That was a typo!
Poetry / The Tea Party
Let’s have a tea party the little girl said
I’ve got a new teaset that’s pink and red.
I’ve set the table so pretty and neat,
and don’t these cookies look good to eat?
I’ll be the Mamma and you be the child.
We must sip our tea; now don’t be wild.
No, don’t slurp, cause that is rude, and Mamma says it’s also very crude.
Now finish your tea, and help me clean the mess you see.
Wasn’t that fun?
I wish we weren’t done.
In my memory I still can hear
the little voice so clear and dear.
Asking her aunt to sit for awhile
and enjoy a tea party in style.
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richardangelo reviewed Version 3 -
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Jimmel104 reviewed Version 3 -
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I believe I have read this before and I seem to recall I didn’t like it as much as this. What a nice, sweet memory(?) perhaps. With two grand daughters this is something I would enjoy reading to them.
And that may be the problem with publishing anywhere except in the childrens area. If that is where you are going, then you have succeeded.
I have stolen this to read to my girls. Hope you do not mind.
8/8/8
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qtpiemolly reviewed Version 2 -
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i liked this one. it was nice and it contained a lot of good imagery. however, i have some minor suggestions…
“No, don’t slurp, cause that is rude, and Mamma says it’s also very crude.”
i think that with this you should take out the “very” right before “crude”. i think that it would help it flow more and give it a rhythm.
another suggestion…
“the little voice so clear and dear.”
with this, i think that you should get rid of the “and dear”.
once again, i think that it would just help it flow better and give it a better rhythm.
i hope you take my suggestions into great consideration. AND, you better keep writing. youre good. :D youve got some potential there..
drbillpuglisi reviewed Version 1 -
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Very nice. What happened with the break in the middle? Was that a computer “Copy/paste” glitch? Otherwise it works well and (would have) flowed smoothly. It’s real basic and a bit “young-ish”, but certainly has it place in children poetry. good job overall.
meltonbooks reviewed Version 1 -
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sweet poem. im not sure about this but i think tea set is two words.
SB reviewed Version 1 -
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i don’t think this poem is ready yet. It doesn’t really seem to get anywhere and to be honest seems a little twee. The first few stanzas intrigued me as i hoped to see into the world the writer through reflections of the past. However when you cvhange style to the one line stanza the poem seems o lose all integrity, the rhyme scheme becomes far too simple, and if you are trying to make a point it is far too subtle. Perhaps you could revise this by changing tense after the first one line verse. Perhaps a different prespective could prevent this poem from going to waste. I think you could build more on the idea of you looking back on this childhood and make this poem far more interesting.
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Version 1
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