Action Adventure / Resplendence(first 3 pages) (Analysis)
It was ironic: Ending a Vessel’s life at the same place that mine had too ended.Or had it already been predetermined that today would just happen to be the day before my own death a year ago. The two consequentials collided, making me feel nostalgic, reminiscent. The weather outside the window was exactly the same as it had been that day: Rainy and foggy. Destiny was reveling; the circumstances were too non-discreet to be pure coincidence.
The interior of the room was the one thing that was original, altered from how it had been in the memory of a foregone life. Before, the place had been relatively bare, a small TV, a couch, and an armchair being the only decorative center pieces. Now though, the walls had been repainted, overlapping the decaying murky brown with plain white. A shag rug was in the center of the room accompanied with a plasma screen TV. Facing, three leather arm chairs, three in prime condition unlike the one that had been there before. Paintings, vases, round glass tables, there were too many exquisite, in comparison, changes to account for. Part of me had expected for this place to stay in a permanent stasis of time, the one place of the world that would always remain constant while everything around it changed. Instead, it had continued on, I was an anneeded number to its worldly equation.
Having this callous fact shoved in front of my face was painful reality, a cold slap in the face.
I closed the apartment’s door behind me, snuffing out the crack of light from the hallway that had escaped into the room, and locked it. It was a full moon today, but the clouds were eclipsing its pale rays. The room was dark. Even though I was part of the Darkness, it didn’t grant me sight-all-seeing: I still needed a light. From the obscurity of my vision, I could see a lamp in the corner of the room precariously placed on top of a stack of boxes. My eyes were beginning to adjust but I still walked slowly over to it to ensure that I didn’t trip over anything. I pulled the switch and its shaded, yellow light illuminated the room, dampening its bleakness. I turned around and set off to settle myself into one of the armchairs, to wait. I stretched my legs and lazily rested my arms onto its rests.
There was no doubt in me: I knew what I was doing was sickening, both an insult to hers and my own memory. I found that for the most part, I really didn’t care. A feeling that was against my own will. Stoicism had become my forte. A preresequite to where I was now: Hell. Almost literally.
My ears pricked up as the sound of jangling keys issued close from beyond the other side of the door, stationary, the sound didn’t fade away. This wasn’t a passerby; my break was being cut short. I jumped up from the comforts of the armchair and rushed off to the lamp, turning it off, darkness engulfing the room again. My heart rate immediately picked up in double-time, gushing excitement into my veins. This was pleasing ; I hadn’t felt a surge of emotion since the last time I had to do…this. The effect never got old but instead ripened with each inevitable occurance.
The lock clicked and the doorknob turned as the door was swiftly opened. The light of the hallway bedazzled the Vessel: A man wearing a brown suit , his black hair tied in a ponytail from the back of his head. He yawned widely, closed the door, and then flicked on the light switch beside him. My eyes squinted as the overhead light turned on. The lamp’s light had been dim, but this was exuberant, almost unbearable. It didn’t bother him in the slightest. Yawning again, he slugged his way over to the coat rack by the lamp in the corner I was in, and pulled off his jacket, hanging it onto one of the hooks.
He was tangibly close. Every minute blemish and speck of unshaven hair populating his face, every deep bag burrowed underneath his bloodshot eyes were perfectly visible. My body was going haywire, reacting as it usually did whenever a Vessel was nearby. But since this one was so close, everything became proportionately magnified.
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Well I liked it Hell I loved it, I wanna read more of it, you really know how to build suspense gradually and proportionally, I think you should contninue describing the change in the room’s lighting and what exactly were you tripping over and expain this how are you dead when you are standing right there almost in position to kill a Vessal that would also be nice to an e3xplanation of, hopefully you continue this story I expect that you are going to right, If you are go back and describe your death the little details that make every Homocide, Suicide, and any other cide worth the adrenaline, Describe what it felt like dying (if that’s what really happened.) If not de3scrie what it was like having to decieve everyone from your past life into thinking that you were dead. All in all wonderful suspense and attention to detail Grammar and explanation are in need of help though. Good luck and please send me a notice when there is more of the story up
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I am sort of lost! Did he die figurtiviley a year before or actually! If so why is he shutting an apartment door, why wouldn’t he walk through the walls! I need more for this to make sense! Writing is strong though!
From the beginning I’m confused.
—Ending a Vessel’s life at the same place that mine had too ended.Or had it already been predetermined that today would just happen to be the day before my own death a year ago.
Is this a dead person speaking? I found these few pages difficult to follow because the beginning doesn’t grab me, otherwise known as “The Hook”
All I was left with is what was going on in the room about the darkness and bits of sunlight, but throughout the first few pages, I’m still begging to know what this story is about, or when is something about to happen. The pace needs to be quickened.
I thought the flow was a little weird. Like it was a little hard to follow.
Besides that, there are no complaints. It was very descriptive and I felt like I was there.
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