Yes, in the beginning the vegetarian part reminded me a bit of Twilight as well. But Lillian gives in, much unlike the Cullens in Meyers stories. I’m glad you like the story so far though. Thank you!
Young Adult / Winterhaven - Jillian & Everett
Everett and Jillian Easton found me shortly after my move to a city called Cloverdale. It was bigger than most of the towns I’d been living in, but with a population under ten thousand not large enough to be a cause for concern.
I’d found it best to avoid big cities. With big cities came a high populous of both humans and . . . others. And over the years I’d learned it best to stay away from communities full of my kind. In the past, they had not taken kindly to a vampire that refused to hunt humans. They saw my animal-only diet as suspicious and would quickly become wary of me, untrusting. The percentage of “vegetarian” vampires was very low and many vampire hunters had learned to pose as such in order to catch, and dispose of, their game. The very last thing anyone needed, even another vampire, was hoards of bloodsuckers harboring a deadly dislike for him or her. I found Cloverdale, and many towns like it, all relatively small and quaint, perfect for my needs and way of life.
The Eastons had been settled in Cloverdale for only a year when I arrived, and had the intentions of staying the consuetudinary five years, at the most. While smaller areas had the benefit of seclusion and the ability to avoid other vampires, there was the downfall of small-town gossip. When everyone knew one another and each other’s business they had the tendency to talk. And a vampire could only attempt to blend in with the same group of humans (and claim to be thirty-six years old) for so long before it began to cause chatter. Constant travel was the best solution.
Both Jill and Everett could easily pass for being anywhere in their thirties as they’d been turned within that decade of their lives. The couple had been attacked and turned the very same night, on the day of their wedding. I remember clearly the night they told me the story of their death.
They’d been living in Oregon at the time, Everett was thirty-eight years old, Jillan thirty-two. They had married late in life for the times. Jill had refused to marry for any reason other than love, and Everett had been recovering from the recent loss of his first wife from an arranged marriage fifteen years earlier.
Jillian, with stars in her eyes, had spoken to me in a faraway, dreamlike voice of her wedding day.
“It was wonderful and perfect in the beginning, you see. My mother’s home was packed with friends and our families. Mother was just so relieved that her only daughter was finally marrying, she had been so frightened and embarrassed that it would never happen.
Beautiful, colorful wildflowers had been gathered from the fields and dispersed throughout the house, and pastries and fresh fruit covered tables. The whole house smelled like an orchard. Everett,” she glanced lovingly at her husband, “was so handsome in his father’s old suit.” Looking over at him, I caught Everett’s nose crinkle in disgust and disagreement at the comment. “He never thought so but he did, everyone agreed.
The ceremonies back then were simply for function, as you know, and it was over as quickly as it had begun. But as they do now, on a much smaller scale of course, there was a reception planned to follow. Everyone was dining and talking amongst themselves and we were having a wonderful time. Everett even danced with me – he’s a very graceful dancer, though he’d never tell you so. Anyhow, everyone was thoroughly enjoying themselves, and that’s when They came.”
The peaceful, serene look on Jill’s face crumpled and a hurt, angry expression took its place. Her mate leaned in closer to place a hand on her tense, erect back. It was obvious that even after so many years, Jillian was still raw from the experience. I wondered if I would always feel as angry.
There was no need for her to explain who They were, but she went on and I continued to listen intently. “There must have been five of them – vampires.” Jill spat the last word out as if it would bite her tongue. Surely I could understand her pain, I had had my life stolen as well, but we were those beings she spoke of so disgustedly now. I suppose it was simply the pain of her memories talking, causing such a cold reaction.
”We’ll never even know why they chose our village, our home, to invade. But they came with a bloodthirsty fury. Like wild dogs that had been starving for weeks, they raced through the house. Guests from the wedding – all of our friends and family members – dropped quickly, one by one. We tried to run of course, but you know what our kind is capable of, humans stood no chance against them.
They reached Everett before spotting me. This wisp of a woman, eyes black with hunger, took him to the floor, drank from him, and moved on before I could cross the room to reach them. I remember staring at his handsome face, looking like he was only sleeping, before another vampire swept in beside me. When the beast grabbed me, the icy cold of his touch took my breath away. His fangs pierced my neck and everything went black. The groans and screaming of the others, who were undoubtedly under the same sort of attack, began to fade into a white noise in my head before eventually stopping altogether.”
When she finally looked up at me her eyes were heavily glazed over. Raking thin fingers through her wavy blond hair, Jillian quickly composed herself, returning to the perfect, pristine figure I knew.
”Well, what happens after that you are certainly familiar with, I imagine all transformations are the same. Horrid. I was just so relieved to find Everett nearby, alive, when I awoke. While some of the others had been turned as well, the majority of the bodies strewn throughout my mother’s home never moved again.”
I wondered if Jill wished she had been left one of those cold, lifeless bodies. Dead, but at least saved from an eternity of craving blood and having to murder in order to survive. I myself was still slightly unsure whether or not I’d prefer to be dead. Yet as I had no say in that department, I no longer bothered dwelling on the thought.
Reciprocating, I went through my tale, and after that night none of us spoke of those terrible times again. I understood Jillian’s occasional welling up at the sight of wedding paraphernalia, and the Eastons understood why I never spoke of my past, particularly of my family and life in Lemon Cove. It worked well for us, and the three of us began to love and respect each other.
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Tawny reviewed Version 1 -
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I hope i am priviledged enought o read the whole story when you finish and get it all in order. Good writing.
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sjvance reviewed Version 1 -
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“consuetudinary ?” Woah, dude! LOL You know I love your work. This one has a few parts that are too much like Stephanie Meyers, refusing to hunt humans, one of them. But I love the story and the way in which you write it. Awesome.
JEK reviewed Version 1 -
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It all seems to going very much in the right direction and as such it is quite hard to critique. And I just love the idea of a vegetarian vampire. But aren’t vampires terrifying because they must feed on human blood? Maybe I’m wrong. It may be a little too wordy in places but not bad. By the way what does ‘consuetudinary’ mean. Great word.
rickmillen reviewed Version 1 -
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This is quite a good story, though it ended too abruptly and left me wondering too many things. In that respect, it accomplished the goal of making the reader desire to read more. In all my readings, I have never come across the word ‘consuetinary’. Thank God for Wordweb. com in my system tray! The author has evidently done suitable research. I love vampire stories, though I have never heard of ‘vegetarian’ vampires. The tale of vampires angry they are vampires is poignant--I waas reminded of the movie, “Near Dawn”. The author is talented and has a wonderful form of expression. I especially liked the line, “This wisp of a woman, eyes black with hunger, took him to the floor, drank from him, and moved on…” That sentence well conveys the supernatural drive and strength of a vampire. I would like to know more about where Cloverdale is, this curiosity aroused by the mention of ‘arranged marriages’ and ‘villages’. ‘Lemon Cove gives me no information either--what country is this? Everett and Jill Easton are well-described characters, as is the antagonist. The reader is induced to feel empathy with creatures such as they.
The scene Jill describes of the night she and Everett were turned made me think of a street gang crashing a party, not a typical description of vampire behavior—Kudos! I would like to read more of this story.
Enigma28 reviewed Version 1 -
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Very interesting…..
I really don’t have much to fault you on. Your piece flows very well, and other than occasionally having your quote marks facing the wrong way at the beginning of dialogue- ”Well, instead of “well, your grammer is very good. Your story sucked me in, keep me posted of anything else you upload of this kind.
Jodie
the_venus_in_isis reviewed Version 1 -
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Wouldn’t vampire hunters be limiting the depth to which they could infiltrate a group by posing as ‘vegetarian’?
‘same night, their wedding night.’ Carry more punch that way.
‘the evening they told’ So night isn’t repeated.
‘Everett had been recovering … years earlier’ You could simplify this,
‘Everett had been recovering as a recent widower of an arranged 15 year marriage.’
I don’t think the ‘arranged’ part is relevant at this point. It could be revealed later when talking to Everett, but it doesn’t really add anything to the story at this point.
You’re recalling her tale, so you need to narrate it as a memory of yours. You begin, but then you drift back. You narrate normally in simple past, but for recalling her story, you need to narrate the memory in what I believe is past perfect.
When were they married? You make references to ‘the times’ ‘back then’ ‘But as they do now’.
‘Beautiful, colorful wildflowers…house, pastries and fresh fuit..’ works better w/o the ‘and pastries’
Overall, the characters are interesting, complex with their own stories. The reasons for living in a small town are wonderful background references. I would love to read more, because the characters are really beginning to develop.
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