Poetry / Moments In Time~ (Analysis)

only thing i seen is that on the last line you had
“and the relationships we new” and i think new should be
spelled knew in that sense.  really nice poem otherwise

     I have to tell you that this poem has strog merrits, yet you seriously need to look at it again with fresh eyes.
     There are far too many lines that start with “the” and it’s very distracting from what I know you’re trying to acheive.
     Here’s an example:

As time passes on the clock

The sand washes away from the beach

The sun reminds the day has past

The memories remain

Only in the mind of the beholder

The night brings a chill

The air is a presence playing

     I have learned over the years that to continue to start your prose with the same word, unless you are trying to establish a theme, is not such a good idea. Look at the following lines rewritten to eliminate the repeated use of The>

As time passes…the clock

Sand washes away from the beach

The sun reminds me…day has past

Memories remain

In the mind of the beholder

Night brings a chill

Air a playing presence

     This is simply a suggestion of what can be done with this piece. I find that by elimination unnecessary words it gives the reader a clearer picture of what you’re trying to say.
     Lastly, I almost abandoned the critique of this poem based on all of your Ratings & Rankings. Most were repetive and they are just too distracting when it comes time to give you what I got from your work.

Beholder?? Beholder of what? An elipses consists of 3 periods ( . . . )The last line doesn’t make any sense. Way too much critiria.