Poetry / My Sweet September (Analysis)

My Sweet September
I see it must show
in my eyes to you confide.
this I can not sate
a colour I can not hide
to me love not so
her hand in mine not ever

I thee remember
I she thoughts of sew
in my spirit always reside
this I can so elate
a conjurer and so I lie  
to be oh such woe
two souls come they not together

like an ember
I thee do now know
in my soul a longing sigh
this to me my fate
allure my heart to cry
to me a crushing blow
her heart and mine always sever

from eternal slumber
I knee on far below
in my anguish see you fly
kiss I your spirit emancipate
adure your thoughts say to mine
to me as I lie
her hand in mine always ever

My sweet September
I thee remember
like an ember
from eternal slumber

You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.

Reviews

Sort Reviews by  Newest |  Oldest |  Highest Quality |  Lowest Quality |  Newest Comments | 

 
Tonysa1nt avatar General Stranger

September 18, 2008

Tonysa1nt

personal info reviewer stats
Tonysa1nt reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

im not sure of this poem. you say its ur 1st in english and it reads tht way as the language seems unrealistic (kudos if you wrote it this way) but for me i like poetry to seem collouquial.
Tony

PuppetGirl avatar General Stranger

July 27, 2008

PuppetGirl

personal info reviewer stats
PuppetGirl reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

It seems very broken-up to me, which makes it hard to read. But maybe you intended that, an e.e. cummings sort of style?

Showing 1 - 2 of 2

Creator
ktryel avatar

ktryel

Age: 41
Loc: -
Gen: M
Last Login: November 19
Relevant Links
Item Stats

GENERAL

2 Reviews 0 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 2 months ago

REVIEW QUEUE

Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 1 Time
Large_criteria Ratings & Rankings
Tags

There are no tags for this item.