it works with a melody, and yes my lyrics are poem like
must be my dylan influnce.
Lyrics / I Tried to Write a Song Today (Analysis)
I Tried to Write a Song Today
Verse 1:
I tried to write a song today.
But my fingers wouldn’t play.
And I couldn’t find the words in my mind.
I tried to write the things I’ve seen.
Of what I’ve done, of were I’ve been.
And of all the girls that I have behind.
Chorus :
But these days I’ve been so lonely,
These days I’ve been so tired,
It’s hard to find the music in my soul.
And trying to find the answers,
And trying to find a song,
Trying to find a warm place leaves me cold.
Verse 2:
I tried to find the lord today.
But I couldn’t find the way.
And I couldn’t heed the lessons that I’ve learned.
I tried to find the morning light.
But my heart is black as night.
And it’s hard to cross the bridges that I’ve burned.
Repeat chorus:
Verse 3:
I tried to get some rest today.
But I couldn’t keep away.
From the things I know will only lead to hurt.
I tried to sing a different tune.
Than just howling at the moon.
But all my best laid plains wound up in the dirt.
Repeat chorus:
© copyright lyrics by Jet Jones
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thealchemyofacrookedline reviewed Version 1 -
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ur_lord_chaos reviewed Version 1 -
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rori_calhoon reviewed Version 1 -
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i really really REALLY like your song. i think you are a fantastic lyricist. i do think that the second verse doesn’t quite follow the same vein as the first. the beginning definitely drew me in, it made me say—like “hey. this is /my/ song!”
but i think the second verse feels a bit shrugged off. kind of cliche [i do like the last line of it though].
i’m not sure i have any constructive words to say about how to fix it, i just know it makes me squint my eyes, if ya know what i’m sayin.
all in all very good.
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Undone reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the song. But I believe you can be more passionate with it. The way you have wrote it I think it will not flow well. I have tried to write a song today but my fingers would’nt play, the first two lyrics catch your attention sound well together. The next couple lines in the first verse lose me. It is just not powerful enough to follow the first two lines. I like the chorus and the second verse. The third verse I feel you need to leave out howling at the moon. Tweak it a little. It would be a great song you just need to make all the verses as powerful as the next.
chrry81 reviewed Version 1 -
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hey!
nice words..
i liked them, they seem true, althouugh i think it’s more of a poem than lyrics for a song…
i’m not sure so much verse actually works with a melody..
it would be perhaps necessary to listen to it..
but good work overall..
Howard_Bushart reviewed Version 1 -
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Sounds good to me. But all I have to go on is meter (solid) and words (also solid) and rhyme (ditto). So, I think it’d make a good song unless you give it a rap beat or something. Good luck with it.
avkoshy reviewed Version 1 -
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contrary to what the song says , it works :)
corrections -
fifth line – where , not were
sith line – girl i have left behind – not girls i have behind
Trying to find a warm place leaves me cold. – this is a great line
And it’s hard to cross the bridges that I’ve burned. – this line isn’t good
crystinawritersblog reviewed Version 1 -
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It was good but you could add another verse or a hook but overall it was pretty good.
timrees reviewed Version 1 -
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It flows well. I have never critiqued a lyric before, but I liked this. I would probably need to listen to the words and how they work with the tune to properly comment on the poetic metre. The only line that jarred on me a little is: ‘Than just howling at the moon.’ There is nothing wrong with the line, but, for me, it didn’t sit well with the rest of the lyric.
intimate_le reviewed Version 1 -
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The lyrics are ok, I think you need a catchier chorus one that is easy for the listener to remeber, and you should change the chorus into a verse. So if you take my advice you would have 4 verses also if you want you could take the first three lines of the cours and repeat it twice that and that would make a nice chorus.
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