Poetry / Two women (Analysis)

Two Women

Two women were pulling
Two women were pushing
Pulling pushing
Pushing pulling
You took my husband, you maile. Eat shit
Save me, mercy

But who could have mercy
on a woman who sneaks into a fale
like a rumour and
steals a man as if he was a pair of jandals?

Two women were punching
Two women were kicking
Punching kicking
Kicking punching
Like WWF – village styles
Who cheer their hero to fight fight fight
And blood doesn’t matter.
It’s not real. Is it?

You can sleep with him at night
But you can’t stay until morning
Slut, dirty unwashed slut
Two women
Two women were pulling

Two women were pushing

Pulling pushing

Pushing pulling

You took my husband, you maile. Eat shit

Save me, mercy

But who could have mercy

on a woman who sneaks into a fale

like a rumour and steals

a man as if he was a pair of jandals?

Two women were punching

Two women were kicking

Punching kicking

Kicking punching

Like WWF – village styles

Who cheer their hero to fight fight fight

Blood doesn’t matter.

It’s only Hollywood.  

You can sleep with him at night

But you can’t stay until morning

Slut, dirty unwashed slut

Two women were crying

Two women were bleeding

Crying bleeding

Lying needing

The policeman who turned up

Sent for the adulterous man

Made him face the village

Who laughed because he had no shame

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Feign avatar General Stranger

July 20, 2008

Feign

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rekstein avatar General Stranger

July 10, 2008

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July 01, 2008

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June 29, 2008

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darkwriter avatar General Stranger

June 20, 2008

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Howard_Bushart avatar General Stranger

June 18, 2008

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REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
Howard_Bushart reviewed Version 3 - Read 100% of the Item

Hell of a poem.  I loved the images and the clear story line while at the same time admiring the meter and the wonderful use of words.  If there is a flaw here, it is the break from the established structure you use through the first four verses to complete the poem in individualized single line double spaced verses.  Or maybe it’s a fifth verse of single double-spaced lines to the end.  Anyway on first read I thought it was a mistake or a format error.  Three reads later, I can’t say that it’s not.  But I can say, “Good job,” because it is.  I particularly like the “pulling pushing, pushing, pulling” repetitions.  Very nice.  

starla77 avatar General Stranger

June 18, 2008

starla77

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JessicaHumiston avatar General Stranger

June 18, 2008

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elf_asura avatar General Friend

June 17, 2008

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youngjed avatar General Stranger

June 17, 2008

youngjed

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youngjed reviewed Version 3 - Read 100% of the Item

Its simple, nicely told.  I am not sure the repetition works.

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Creator
EM avatar

EM

Age: 38
Loc: New Zealand
Gen: F
Last Login: December 01
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11 Reviews 1 Comment
Version 3
Latest Activity: about 1 year ago

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