Poetry / Going Down (Analysis)

You have a nice piece here and it flows well. There’s not alot of words but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t say alot well done.

It’s a small poem with a huge meaning…definetely my favourite! You create such a movement using words with opposite meanings that take me up and down, into darkeness and then into light. I really love this roller coaster effect, it makes you feel alive actually and I think this is the real meaning of this poem and of poetry in general. The title could be Roller coaster!
Bravo!

i really believe that it is good writing. but i cant enjoy the poem because i dont understand it atall… you might want to say something other then blah blah blah in your notes for the reviewer…

it still is good work tho

thankyou

xl13dj13x

To me, it seems like this is just one of those random outbursts of words that one has to write down quickly. This line is still pounding in my head, “Words constrict then crawl around Lights twist and cry in sound.” I don’t know why those two lines are doing that but if you revise it, which I strongly suggest, make the lines similar to this one. Good Job! Keep it up!

I am not sure, but I think that you are speaking of a fight, where the words can not help you in the matter?  The only structure change i would make is to get rid of the commas after decany, because you don’t use any pun.  at the end of any other line.  It hads a good flow and rhythem.

Very creative for a guy getting his butt beat down and passing out. Nice alliterations. and kudos

Good description of life in general. I loved the imagery in the second to last line where “words fizzle and decay…”.

I really see the messae here and the main and most likely only fault is the use of “ground” too many times and it may be a fatal fault for this piece.

Words that ignite, face to the light…this is intelligently powerful!
And again:
The words will all fray,
Twinkle and decay

And the lights can’t make it ok.  Change here can benefit as the flavor and flow becomes too simple here.

All in all a good subject (idea) to ponder and minimal revision will make it better.  Thank you for the opportunity.

I sorry I just don’t get this at all or am able to relate any experience to it
maybe you should have helped out a little with notes for the reviewer.