Poetry / CRIMSON

I can’t decide if this crimson life is a good thing or a bad thing. The red seems to progress from violence and anger toward a more constructive energy.

The technical aspects of the poem appear to be sound, though the last two lines did throw me off at first.

never really realized that red is attached to many emotions. but, of course, you learn something new everyday. good work in words. nothing really to be too critical about, so i wont. LATER

This poem should be for all writers and poets to read.  I like how you have the last lines separeted.

very powerful write. I loved it. IT FLOWS SO WELL.

i liked it until it ended and you never really no who this is intended for.  you keep bringing up the little one but who is the little one.  i think if you ended with the intended person being brought to light it would make it more enjoyable for the reader.

This is actually pretty good. My main suggestion would be to try to work a steady meter/rhythm into this; pay more attention to the syllable count within each line so that you can set a tempo. Your piece will read much smoother this way. “This bright, vibrant…” seems redundant, as the definitions of both words are too similar. You had a pretty steady rhyme scheme, but it falters in stanza three…”fullness; smile”. I’m not sure what happened there. I personally didn’t care for how the format changes at the end with the indented lines, but that is simply my own personal taste. Overall a pretty good poem. :)

The first verse is realy good. It flows from one line right into the next, it feels like a challenge to go and do. I think the second verse realy speaks to us of the idea that all of us have a seperate understanding of life. Its realy the reason behind all writing i think, to share what we understand, our “revelation”. I realy like the idea in the third verse about the effort and the success, because they go hand in hand. You bring the rest of the poem into good focus in the last verse by breaking the pattern. It realy works to grab attention and go back to the challenge to get out there and do! Its a little sketchy through out but im realy confident that with a little revision it will find its schwey :). Its a realy good poem, and i truly enjoyed reading. Keep it up! love peace and chicken grease

i love the poem but am unsure of the ending. it kinda comes up on the reader joltingly fast. i think its the syllable count. maybe reword it to make the count longer? i love how you made the color red stand for many things, gave it a broad life. nice job.

Hmm.. I get the message you are trying to convey but I think the title is a little deceiving/mis representative. I saw CRIMSON and I expected something a little darker. Descriptions like “bright vibrant light”,”This blinding smile” and “golden cage” go completely against what crimson represents for me. It seems like you just placed crimson in the poem without any real reference to the color. Any other color could easily be put in its place. Id either rethink the title and go with this live your life kind of vibe you have going (not crimson) or make the piece a little darker to go with the title. I think the former should be easier.

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June 25, 2008

by starla77

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
31	F	Italy	November 14

Crimson is a bright red, not a dark one. It’s the color of the most powerful emotions like passion, rage, satisfaction etc. No other color represents these things, so I think the title is good. Thank y for your review.

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This piece is full of detailed and comprised of meaning and is used very powerfully.I very much enjoyed this peice and its mood.please keep writing more. i very inisted throughout this peice. Nice work