Thank you!
Journalism / Lipstick,madness,pale skin and literature (Analysis)
How is it that that a girl can be so content with herself in her youth? But, When she’s around mid-60’s she begins to lose her mind, it seems to be deteriorating—a sure sign of pure madness. She’s in a heated panic when she can’t find her red lipstick and ink pen. Her hair is dark and skin fair. This woman’s name is Leola. I visited her on one of my volunteering routes. While talking to her about her favorite authors, I discovered we shared many of the same. Her art was beautiful. Her writing was eloquent and well developed. She told me, “I do not just read books; I study them for the placement of words, their poetry and wondering what the authors were thinking.” She then said, “I feel centered when you’re in the room. You are an aura of good energy.” I smiled, it was nice to hear this from a woman of such literary wisdom . This compliment became even more flattering when we went into public. I soon realized her antics were far from being “socially acceptable.” Leola was mad, and I absolutely loved it when she talked she rocked side to side. She wore strange pendants and carried many notebooks. I couldn’t help but stare, just to observe how she interacted with people. It was foreign and strange, the things she would do. But, aren’t all the authors of classical literature mad? Bukowski’s writing is blunt and rude. He always manages to make a book painful to read in such a beautiful way. Hemmingway is no exception, with his characters’ lives almost always being fatal and full of disgrace. Is art just a state of pure madness? Or is it an intangible commodity of thoughts racing to create something beautiful, something that will stay through the test of time. Should Ms. Leola be chastised for her lack of social graces when she creates such art? When she writes with pure love without restraint, it’s the only place where she can be entirely coherent. Though on this day, I was an exception to her social awkwardness as I acquired her full attention, and that was a feeling that was irreplaceable.
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This woman sounds like literature herself. Your abilities as a writer are strong. This looks basically clean except for a couple of typos (e.g. that that in the first line). I think what you need to do with this character is build her story and writer it. I’m sure you can do it.
The piece, as is, is fairly short but the right length to be published in a variety of magazines (see duotrope.com). I think, however, there would have to be more to the story, something global or at least a comment that relates to our social system.
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I enjoyed this account of your time spent with Leola, although I have to say that it seems more anecdotal (in spots) than pure journalism would allow. Have you perhaps thought about including this in a collection of other memoir tpye pieces, or maybe a book about your volunteer experiences? This might be an avenue for you to take. Overall, you show talent and thoughtfulness in your writing. I enjoyed this piece, and would not mind getting to know Leola more fully.
Thank you, and good writing.
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You’re riding the line between showing and telling. When you gave some details about what Leola did and said, you showed her to me.
My sense of this is slice of life essay. As such, it needs no real moral, focus or outcome. In short, it is what it is. That makes it hard to critique in terms of what you should be doing and how you’re doing it. There are a few problems here and there. For instance, in the very first line, ”...How is it that that a girl…”. There is little time to develop much in a work of this length or to answer the questions you raise. But as a quick revelation of thought it is successful.
for something you wrote very quickly i think it was amazing. you are very talented. i have no criticism of it, it was very well written. good luck with all your future works
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