Poetry / Lovers In The Sky (Analysis)

Tiny fingers long and slender

caress the eve with shaded splendor

with reverent touch and gentle sway

meant to woo her lover’s stay.

Passions rise steady, hale, and true.

Create the sweep of lovers who

in desperate searching finds release

a setting sun she gains her peace.

As we explore the romantic scene,

the lover’s dance becomes serene.

Delicate balance of light and dark,

the close of day leaves her mark.

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l13dj13 avatar General Stranger

July 11, 2008

l13dj13

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l13dj13 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item
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AmaliaKaterena avatar General Stranger

July 10, 2008

AmaliaKaterena

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
AmaliaKaterena reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I really liked how you kept up the rhyme scheme throughout the work, not a very easy task. Overall this poem was entertaining, and I could definitely see the imagery behind your words. Keep up the great work, and I will be looking out for more to read in the future.
-A

Howard_Bushart avatar General Friend

July 01, 2008

Howard_Bushart Prolific-icon-medium

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Howard_Bushart reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Nice personification—of the sun?  The images are sharp and the sounds good. You’re using more periods at end stops than I’m accustomed to seeing but you use them well to shift focus without stanzaic breaks and your rhyme scheme is excellent.  Good job.  

wise2owls avatar General Stranger

June 29, 2008

wise2owls

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wise2owls reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

The tone and passion of this poem is wonderful.  ’Delicate balance of light and dark’  what power this brings to my mind.  The description you have for this person`s loving presence is awesome.  Thank you.

darkwriter avatar General Stranger

June 28, 2008

darkwriter

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
darkwriter reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I loved this, it’s a beautiful piece that shows and makes you feel the love of two people.  A beautiful act is indeed personified by your poem.  Excellent job.

MarkFolse avatar General Stranger

June 28, 2008

MarkFolse

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MarkFolse reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Think of adding some detail to the idea “passions rise steady, hale and true” in the same way you used fingers at the beginning and the setting sun at the end.  Give us the romantic scene.

hajara avatar General Stranger

June 28, 2008

hajara

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hajara reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Superb work! Apt title too ! I really liked the personification of the “long and slender fingers”. The poem explains a romantic scene in depth. The work is adorable. The rhyming is perfect and it has an entertaining rhythm too. I liked the lines “caress the eve with shaded splendor /with reverent touch and gentle sway /meant to woo her lover’s stay”, “Create the sweep of lovers who /in desperate searching finds release”. But the line “a setting sun she gains her peace” seems a separate entity.I also liked the closing lines “Delicate balance of light and dark,/the close of day leaves her mark”. They give the poem a perfect finish. Keep up with the good work!

Assassin9wb avatar General Stranger

June 27, 2008

Assassin9wb

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Assassin9wb reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

its romantics are very scenic, reminicint of sun set and rich smells. even not described you can still make out a picture, for example ‘shaded splendor’ might be a tree which is great because it leaves you thinking about what could be the manifested or objective ‘shade.’ also the ryme is good, basic beat, but the structure is repetitive, i think it fits the rhym so no prob there. id still make it not as strait, though i dont see how. as a chaotic poet i think this in opposition is in good order, but structured ryme is much better 4 by 4 or 2 by 2. you used a 1 by 1 which is to simple to structure so it may become boring, this one is good but a change in style might be welcome.

irisknight avatar General Friend

June 26, 2008

irisknight

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irisknight reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I can only assume this poem is the personification of love. I don’t think most people see love as a person, but just an emotion. “Lovers in the Sky” was very well thought out. I’m sure “love” sometimes feels lonely and unloved at times, if it were an actual person,it was certainly a very unique p.o.v.          

Rol avatar General Stranger

June 26, 2008

Rol

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats
Rol reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Nice rhythm, beautiful imagery.  ”as we explore” is a little clumsy, harsher as compared to the other lines.

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Sweettouch Prolific-icon-medium

Age: 43
Loc: Walsenburg, CO
Gen: F
Last Login: August 16
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