Poetry / Clumsy Kissers (Analysis)

I thought this was a good poem. it is a nice way to look at it. I couldn’t help but smile reading this thinking about the first time me and my boyfriend kissed. it is a pretty perfect description. the only suggestion I have maybe is to break up this one part:

“remembering the rule that it is not polite to stare. We have no choice but to smile during those small seconds of shyness as we bow our heads away.”

maybe instead of that way you could try:

“remembering the rule that it is not polite to stare
we have no choice but to smile
those small seconds of shyness
as we bow our heads away.”

I think that may make it flow a little better because that way all three stanzas will have four lines.

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June 25, 2008

by saidthegirl

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
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Thank you for the comment :) Im glad it stirred up some memories. I love poetry that does that! And I actually created a second version of this poem with the correct format :) But thank you for noticing!

-kry.

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I give it a 10 for “Poetry – Overall” because even what some consider “bad” poetry is still poetry, overall ;)

This is cute. I can picture the scene unfolding with empathy because I’m sure we’ve all been clumsy kissers at one point. You are right, though, in how the flow needs work. Perhaps try vocabulary that projects imagery and instills a feeling as well as ties each sentence together. You might even want to re-write the entire thing from several different angles several different times, because you might be able to take lines from each one and throw them together to create the masterpiece!

Good luck!

This is a sweet piece . the line structure needs work. but I like what you’ve done. work it some, I’m sure there’s more you can add to it. nicely put.