Action Adventure / Sword Cat - Chapter 1, Pt. 1
Chapter 1
It was an abnormally warm day in San Francisco, even for the summertime. At one hundred and three degrees the weather was at a record high they hadn’t seen in eight years, and buildings and cars seemed to sway in the heat. The streets downtown were full of people and foot traffic was at an all time high. Adults had called in sick while teens decided to play hooky, knowing they were looking at what might be a once in a lifetime opportunity. Little children took it all in their stride, using the beautiful day as an excuse to play harder. Everyone was covered in a thick layer of sunscreen to protect against sunburn.
Sixty miles away, FBI Special Agent Christopher McCormick sat at a tiny desk, in a tiny office, on the upper floor of the Richmond Public Library. Well, more an excuse for a library these days. With the terrible state of the economy and the severe lack of city funding, the library had cut back its hours by sixty percent. Leaving Richmond’s avid readers almost no time to enjoy themselves. However, as bad as these cut backs were, they were convenient for the FBI. They made the library an ideal location for a hidden, sub-level FBI branch. Which is exactly what it had been turned into. Of course the library was still a library, and so as not to alert the public with all of the after hours movement, they attributed the closures to inventory, restocking, accidents, repairs, and even vandalism. Not to mention that for most people searching for the FBI, the library is the last place they’d look.
You’re probably wondering how a library would be a good place to hide the FBI. Especially when the library in question is only two stories high with the upper story being only half as large. With a total of two rooms — one for children and one for adults — there couldn’t be more than a couple thousand books in stock. This didn’t leave a lot of places to hid a secret entrance to one of the country’s biggest governmental organizations. This, however, is were modern technology comes into play. If it boiled down to pulling a certain book on a certain shelf to open a secret door, any civilian could stumble across the entrance, as well as a heap of trouble. No, the FBI knew they needed to step up their game and find something more unique, less conventional. So they did: toilet paper rolls.
I know what you’re thinking, and that’s good. It’s exactly what the FBI wants you to think. Naturally, there are key differences between the FBI paper roll and the standard fare you find at the grocery store. The one issued by the FBI was a small cylinder-shaped piece of metal with the same color and texture of any ordinary roll. However, as each roll is custom designed for a single operative, it was the mechanics of the roll that made it different. There were five small, un-textured circles on the surface, each one the perfect size for a fingertip. Each circle was connected to a nanochip that verified the print. A sixth chip confirmed the prints belonged to the same person, verifying DNA and body temperature. From there, a seventh and last chip communicated down below and, once all was clear, granted the operative access to the underground facility. Without this roll there was no way of getting in. Nor was there a doorbell for visitors. All non-operative visits were scheduled well in advance and they were issued special edition rolls to be used within a specific time period. These special rolls were just as personalized as those for the agents. The FBI was taking no chances.
For some reason, it was always a good ten degrees hotter in Richmond than in San Francisco. Meaning, not only was Chris sitting at his desk, but he was leaking into his chair as well. The windows were open, the fans were blowing, and he had been contemplating a little visit into his fridge — an uncomfortable thought for someone who stood six foot three — when the phone rang.
“Richmond Public Library. How may I help you?”
As a rule of thumb, Chris always avoided using his name on the telephone. You never know who’s interested in what you have to say.
“There’s a backed up toilet in the women’s restroom,” said a familiar voice. “Will you please go take a look?”
“That’s not my job.” replied Chris, growling.
“Yes, but regrettably, the janitor is out sick and we don’t know when he’ll be back.”
“Can’t you call a plumber?” asked Chris.
“We don’t want a plumber.” replied the voice. “We want you. The out of order sign is already up.”
Chris heard a click as the line cut off.
He sighed. “I’ll be right down.”
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This isn’t the type of topic I would be interested in but it is good. I find it to believe that we(The readers) don’t know what the main character, Chris looks like. Besides, not knowing what his features nor his clothes that’s he is wearing—-I find this to be a good chapter of your story here. I just thought something was missing because sometimes the view need to know things so we’ll have a clear idea of the character and his world. Other than that, the writing is fine.
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Oh my goodness! That’s my home…Richmond city. Was born in Martinez, CA, and lived in Richmond (near the bay area, 28miles from San Francisco) for eight years in my youth. I am so here to read this!
Great beginning. Keeps my interest going. Very nice and exhaustive explanation about the library.
You’re probably wondering how a library would… Delete You’re probably and put question mark at end. Reduces word bulk.
Especially when the library… This is a fragment sentence and needs to go with previous or made into an independent clause, rather than dependent.
places to hide a secret entrance… Change hid to hide.
This, however, is where modern… Change were to where.
This has tense changes, especially into the narrator’s direct thoughts. But it becomes confusing. The you’s, etc. I don’t think this is the correct way. You need to keep this past tense and stay away from second person. (I know, it adds closeness, but you can only stay with one tense to be accurate. At least, check into it to see if this is okay.)
The toilet paper idea is absolutely rolls of fun!
This is too good and worth to read further. Your dialog is fantastic and you have an easy flow to your narrative, as well.
I don’t know either of those people and belive me i learned not to put all my chapter one. I like how they use the library. i also think that it’s clear, i love stories about FBI that’s what i planned to be when i finished school but i find this really interesting it’s really good.
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