Sci Fi & Fantasy / Zell turner (Analysis)

July 14th that was the day my soul was signed over to the devil, it all happen with the words “We grant custody of Zell Turner to Beatrice Smith” as if this weren’t already bad enough, only 2 weeks after my parents died was I to be sent to live with my aunt Beatrice my least favourite person in the world and my only living relative. To make matters worse I’d be moving all the way out to the country south of Auckland, a good 2 hours drive to the nearest major city and at least half an hour from any kind of town. As if making friends wasn’t hard enough when your a freckly blond, shorter then most people at the age of 14, and lets not forget the continually series of accidents that have made life a living hell and now this, in the old rusty car aunt Beatrice owned, driving down a gravel road in the middle of the bush on the way to my new home.

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tisha avatar General Stranger

July 28, 2008

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July 18, 2008

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July 02, 2008

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July 01, 2008

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June 27, 2008

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June 26, 2008

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June 26, 2008

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June 26, 2008

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martykate avatar General Stranger

June 25, 2008

martykate

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martykate reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

You need to work on our grammar and punctuation and spelling.

You have the beginnings of an intriguing story here, but the bad grammar is distracting.  It doesn’t seem to be while you write, but in the long run it is to the reader.

I’d like to see this cleaned up, and see where you go with it.  You already have my curiosity picqued as to where you are going to take this.

Fix it and give us more!  Yes, you are off to a good start!

bear4 avatar General Stranger

June 25, 2008

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zeldatroy16 avatar

zeldatroy16

Age: 18
Loc: New Zealand
Gen: M
Last Login: July 29
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12 Reviews 22 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 3 months ago

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