Limericks / A troy jarden limerick (Analysis)

its good.
”..castle.. whos king..” doesnt follow perfectly to me, but its just an opinion. nice.

I love this! It’s brilliant! I don’t have anything bad to say about it because it’s a proper limerick. However, I don’t think ‘mace’ can have the indefinite article in front of it because like sand or sugar, it’s uncountable. Perhaps ‘plaice’ or ‘dace’ would be better. Good job, though!

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July 10, 2008

by zeldatroy16

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im not sure wat u mean with the mace comment wat do u mean

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Very cute limerick.  I think you should look into getting it into a book or magazine.

Very nice, in fact. I am so used to thinking of limericks as “dirty” that it is good to read one that is not, that in fact sounds like a very genuine sort of folk rhyme which I am certain they once were.

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July 10, 2008

by zeldatroy16

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thank you

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good work. love idea of the poem.

‘There once was a very old castle
Whose king got delivered a parcel’  just have a problem with this piece. if you break it down you begin talking about a castle and then abruptly move on to speak of the king. it also doesn’t ryhym. unfortunately, i cant think of anything to replace it with. but that’s the only piece id work on.

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June 26, 2008

by zeldatroy16

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hmm i see wat u mean if i remeber corectly i think my teacher at the time said the same thing u sure u dont teach year 8 in new zealand :D

June 26, 2008

by karrina

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he he he! i can honestly say…hell no…i hate
children. most of them are brats and their parents
should be shot. but back to your limerick… a limerick
is supossed to be 7,7,5,5,7, in syllable count. i counted
9,9,5,5,9,. so you at least kept to a constant rhythm
which is good. but the first two lines bug me still.
ive been trying to come up with something to maybe
give you a different opening.

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A clever limerick. I enjoyed it. Have you considered ‘mashing the marshal’? Or perhaps ‘mangling’? Also, I’m not entirely sure but I think marshal with one ‘l’ is a verb and a noun with two.

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June 26, 2008

by zeldatroy16

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hmm good point i just typed it as i remebered it so i think ill look and cheak the spelling

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I liked it. I think its catchy and funny. It reminds of those funny poems that I used to read in a old poetry book. I forgot what it was called but I don’t have any complaints with your poem.

Nice. I like the rhyme and the jumpiness it gives to the words as the story progresses. I just don’t understand the last line. How does the mace go around hitting the marshall? The wording makes it feel like the mace, after being let out, jumps around a bit, and then, almost in a circular motion, hits the marshall’s head while it goes around it.

I think what you wanted to say was that the mace flew out, and hit the marshall in the head once. Is that what you were trying to say? The progression made feel that way, but the words of the last part made it confusing.