Poetry / I'm in my spaceship (Analysis)

I liked this but the flow was kinda weird… At one point it was rhyming and flowing so well, and then it just stopped. Kinda threw me off.. Overall it was a good poem though, just wish it were more consistent with the rhythmn.

This is a excellent poem.  It tells of what all of us feel at one time or another, we want the world to stop so that we can enjoy what is happening now. Never to get older or closer to death.  The descriptions you give of how the world looks from your space in it, are awesome. I wish more took the time to see this place quietly without needing to bustle through. Thank you.

I’m still trying to figure out the spaceship part but I’m working on it.
I love how each line is a scentence,
some of the lines are a bit long and looses the flow slightly.
And I think the word “y’all” is a bit out of place.
But apart from that I really liked it!
Chloé

Again an excellent poem.  I love how you start out, being low and wanting dark.  You show your progression very well when you meet the girl, and you come out into the light.  Walking with the Lord(capitalize) in your back pocket.  Excellent job.  I love the turn around you describe and the feelings that I feel when reading this!

The sentiment is there, now work on the rhythm & flow.  My favorite line is: I want the sun to come out now I’ve been living in the dark for too long. Great title, now live up to it.

You are certainly speaking what the rest of the world is most likely thinking in “My Space Ship”.  When things seem to be going great then suddennly they fall right back down, but then you have the opportunity to bring things back up – you should become a motovational speaker, you made me feel better about my life.  

It’s ok as a poem.

I’m talking her Fathers advice.
Because I in my heart ya’ll are right.

These two sentences need to be clearer. I think you mean: I’m TAKING her Father’s advice. Because IN my heart ya’ll were right.

doesnt exactly flow like it should. you picked a good topic and stuck with it but be a little more…consistant. im not undersatnding whats going on towards the end. did she leave? help me out a little. the reader needs more info than you gave so that it makes sence.