Poetry / If You Only Knew/Kind Words (Analysis)
You told me how lovely my boy was today when he picked up the change you dropped when you bought your latte.
He looked you in the eyes and smiled as he put it in your hand.
He saw the elderly woman bent and slow making her way towards the door. He lunged and opened it before she had a chance to reach out. She too told me what a nice son I had.
At ten, his smile is so bright, so genuine. He truly loves people and looks for opportunities to politely interact with his wit, his charm, his helpfulness. He is noticed.
Daily comments,about my boy. Compliments always. Parents envious, elders admiring, people appreciative that there are still children with big hearts and generous kind souls, stunningly selfless.
I have wanted so often to stop and say that if you only knew what it meant to me to hear the kind words. If you only knew that my boy works so hard to fight demons in his head. If you knew that my heart was broken.
He has a monster that makes him count and spin, won’t let him get to sleep. Bad thoughts repeat like a broken record. It makes him hate himself so much that he didn’t want to live. We struggled with daily pain and heartache.
The boy with the friendly eyes and kind heart does not want to leave the house with me. He would rather stay under his covers in the safety of his bed. He is my constant companion as we try to do normal things.
The boy who held the elevator door for you was on his way to the Psychiatrist we visit twice a week to help him challenge the monster and monitor his medications. You didn’t know this when you told him he was a gentleman.
My boy was with me in the grocery store to prove that he could be there without a panic. He had to walk next to me and not grab onto me and say he was sick. But he stopped to play peek-a-boo with your baby when you were trying to decide on dessert.
My boy was out with me because he wasn’t ready to be back at school yet. If you only knew he had been out for six weeks with four to go before he was well enough, before he felt he would be safe there all day.
You didn’t know that the sweet boy who showed you how to work the fancy vending machine in the ER was there because he was threatening to throw himself out of a window hours before. I heard you tell him he was helpful and kind.
If only you knew the struggles he faced every day, while he thought of you and bent down or reached forward so you didn’t have to. If only you knew that your simple words meant so very much to us, more than you could ever imagine.
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Aw what a cute kid. I feel bad for him. What exactly is wrong with him? Anyways, I liked the way you wrote this story and the “If only you knew”s.
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how very heartfelt. Your sons plight is your worst nightmare and yet you have to stay focused and awake. When you probably just want to stay under the covers yourself. a wonderful write full of sadness but also of sentiments of things getting just a little bit better a long hard struggle but one that you are both slowly winning. A very very strong and powerful write that left me wondering just how you both cope.
Very nice. A startlingly ominous feel in the piece. I really liked the prose style of your poetry. It was very suitable. Actually, it’s really similar, I think, to a piece I wrote called, “Tommy”.
This piece is very . . thought-provoking, certainly. I almost want there to be more, but at the same time I don’t think that adding anything would make it any better. Does he have depression? That confused me a little, but it was beautiful. Thank you for writing it.
Beauties don’t always escape tragedies. One must go through hell then become the rose; those that bear the bitter then become the poetic – this is what I always think. This is what means to be a human. We seem intent going through even though the worst heartbreak. This is what makes us human. This is what makes tragedies can be so beautiful sometimes. I can see this from your writing – it’s very direct, straight forward, and genuine. A good write.
its a powerful narrative; uses emotions more than challenging wordplay
to generate movement throughout it, and even though you do so effectively
i’d like to see this shortened a bit. since you rely heavily on emotional pull
some of it feels redundant instead of just reinforcing the subject matter.
i gave it 7’s in ‘publishable’ and ‘overall talent’ and a 6 in ‘overall poetry’.
I can feel this piece I love the real life quality to this piece of poetry, it was very story like, and meaningfull…almost reminded me of a story written by the author Stephen King…Stand by Me you know it ??
A few kind words go such a long way… This is something that I wish everyone knew..
to me this read like a diary entry or an open letter and not really a poem.
the content and subject is very sentimental. alot of people eat that stuff right up so it should be very publishable.
I found this very touching. I am a mother of a two year old son and also a teacher. This spoke to me. It is the first poem I reviewed here that has allowed me to say that. I have no constructive criticisms because I’m too moved. Thank you.
Possibly publishable in a select venue.
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