Poetry / Treatment (Analysis)

I like the way you take a subject such as this and describe it like you do. I have to be honest I did read it twice the second time I feel I got the effect better. I think there is also a hint of humor as well. Nice job!

This doesn’t really sound like a poem to me. It’s more like a diary, a blog or could be developped as a short story.
A poem is more about feelings and emotions. You don’t need to tell a whole story or episode of your life to let us understand how you felt in that moment. But of course this is just my idea of poetry. If you want to keep it like this, I think you’d better revise words and verses, for example “He keeps talking soft as his touch,” is not so clear, does this “as” mean “like” or “while…”? In the second case, the sentence is not finished…
You’ve got potential, so keep writing!

Hehe very nice. :-) I’m not a feet-person myself, but very well written. :-) I love poetry with a twist in the tale. :-)

“He touches again, following the river of blood” -This is my favorate line in this piece.  It just runs off your toung with such ease!  

I liked this, but would like more information.  Why are you seeing this doctor?  What are your feelings, as he is running up and down your legs?  

I liked this a lot because its an unusual topic and its got a lovely tensions about what is happening: is it appropriate or inappropriate what he’s doing?

The first three lines are a little ungainly.  I can see absolutely why you need to describe what is going on but maybe have another go at that?

Some of the lines don;t always scan as well as they might, at least the way I am reading it.  Someties there are too many words, when less might be more: “able warm hands” “while the other” could just be ‘the other’

“Dropped the shoes as he asked,” is a lovely narrative detail

“Well, he is an experienced doctor after all” i didn;t like this line at all i am afraid, its totally unnecessary and brought me up with a jolt because it is so very prose-like.

Overall, I like the poem and the images therin.  However, some of the lines seemed overly long and the meter forced.  For instance, “Transparent skin, enlarged veins, he mumbles” and ” He touches again, following the river of blood”.  The images are still good and these are not large flaws but they still draw attention to themselves.  I also wonder about the last two lines of the poem:

How capable those bare hands are?
Well, he is an experienced doctor after all.

Why a question in the next to last line?  Why not a statement. How capable…are.  I think if you did this and eliminated the last line you’d have a stronger poem.  Also, there seems to be a darker undertone with this one.  Am I missing something?

line 2—Do you mean “scleroatrophy”?

NICE IMAGERY.. I FEEL I WAS RIGHT THERE GETTING CHECKED..