Poetry / Happily Never Wake

Happily Never Wake
By JPW

From holding hands in summer heat,
Now Submerged below, in this freezing deep.

Flailing arms did help us not,
AS life did slow to a nulling stop.

Before we left, I found your face.
A sad smile was last to be seen.

We closed our eyes, said goodnight,
And flew straight into a dream.

Together we became the fitting key.
Closed minded eyes could never see.

We opened the door that was hidden and locked,
As the Angels and Demons looked on in shock.

Across the bridge,
Right over the lake,
And this time we shall happily never wake.

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Reviews

July 21, 2008

eminemslove85

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
422	27.1% (177 votes)	22.8%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
24	F	Danville, IL	November 17

eminemslove85 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

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July 04, 2008

JessicaBrynJ

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
56	81.8% (22 votes)	45.1%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
17	F	Stanwood, WA	August 25

JessicaBrynJ reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

You capitalize a lot fo random words in your writing.
There was no need to capitolize submerged in the second sentence.
Or the “s” in As in the fourth line.
Angels and demons could be capitolized.
You have excellent rythm though, and great imagery. I love the way you write, i just feel that when you capitolize weird stuff it’s a bit distracting.
Keep it up. You have a beautiful mind.