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Limericks / Scan Disk Function (Analysis)
A man who sang lecherous ditties
In countrysides, towns and in cities,
Was overheard to remark
To some girls in the park,
“Please give me a flash of your bus schedule.”
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gaiascully reviewed Version 1 -
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Rowling reviewed Version 1 -
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LOL!!! Very funny and clever. I enjoyed that immensely. Good work!
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Smintboyuk reviewed Version 1 -
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GreenIguana reviewed Version 1 -
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It was clever but not laugh-out-loud funny. It followed the correct format of a limerick. I can’t give you any suggestions for revision because you have done what I believe you set out to do.
Cail reviewed Version 1 -
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a good start but…doesn’t follow limerick form. Limerick form is AABBA, and I think there are too many syllables in the final line. Other than the form the concept is amusing and humorous.
Calingaladha reviewed Version 1 -
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Heh. This definitely made me laugh. Nice work on the word choice, though I was hoping for a different ending. :P
VioletL reviewed Version 1 -
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Cute and funny as a limerick and an hysterical ending, so you get a high rating there, but as a publishable short story or to attract an agent or publisher on the basis of a single limerick, nah. Sorry, but no short story and not enough info to know about your overall talent. If you had only limited this to two criteria and not 5!!!!
Angels365 reviewed Version 1 -
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Up to the last line, this would have been a 7 or an 8 but the last line doesn’t work and in a limerick the final line is the most important as it is the “punchline”.
If the title and the last line “bus” are the link based on computers then fine, but the rest of the limerick doesn’t work with it. Even it if is intended not to, as though it was a malfunction, it just fails whereas with a different last line it could be marked a lot higher.
Context reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked the first four lines of this limerick. I thought that they flowed well, and I liked the choice of words.
The last line just didn’t seem to fit. The flow was different and the last word didn’t rhyme. If you edited this line, it would greatly improve the entire poem.
I also didn’t understand how the title of the poem related to this piece.
penny2204 reviewed Version 1 -
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Very funny! I laughed out loud! I think that’s the goal, which makes this one a success. No edits….thanks for the laugh!
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18 Reviews 14 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: about 1 month ago
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