why thank you
Poetry / The Stones (Analysis)
We were the ones that the builders
refused,
rebel stones rolling with a vibrant,
vicious tenacity.
stark grey on green hills edging out
to the quarry,
drunken stones, stoned stones, refused
and overgrown
We did not quarrel with the quarry,
for each
was beyond reason, the quarrel and the
quarry.
We became beach stones and river
stones,
thrown through the world, skipped by
children
across the ocean. We were no longer
refused,
for there were many masons and many more
stones.
Homes were thus built of us, cities and
thrones,
we bellowed as whistles across Mayan
villages
while we hurricane warned, we stones of
science,
the stones of salvation, foundations of
civilization.
Rebellion is coming again, Stonehenge
is leaving
the geometrical alignment in a summer
solstice
in a rebellion of youth and voracity,
no longer
grandfathers to be pined over. The
Aztec stones
are marching through Mexico and on to
California
where the stones who rolled wait
willingly to
adopt their insubordinate brothers,
building stone
co-ops upon the mountains that tower
the beaches;
the home of the stones. I walk among
them,
growing granite legs and rolling along,
through
the mountains to the beach, past stone
children
and families, to place myself at the
head corner
of the rebels, the wanderers and the
stones.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
richardlynn51 reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
I feel the stones. You picked a good subject with metaphor possibilities. The hardness, unyielding and lasting strength of stones.I like the reference to Stonehenge and Aztecs. I didn’t understand the last lines of you at the head corner of rebels, wanderers and stones? Keep working on it , I think it could be great. Thanks
- add/view comments (0)
HipStar reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
That is fantastic! The imagery is absolutely captivating. The variety in the different forms and uses of stones is great. It really takes the reader on a journey.
hockeyslife reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
I must say, I really loved this. It’s so interesting a topic to write about – stones. Who would have thought? Well, you did, and it turned out well. You personify your topic in amazing ways. Your imagery is beautiful as well, giving me a clear picture of what you are describing. I loved it, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I look forward to reading more of your work.
BillRetoff reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
I am familiar with these lines from the Bible about Jesus, that He, the stone the builders rejected, would become the cornerstone:
We were the ones that the builders
refused,
and families, to place myself at the
head corner
An interesting idea to expound on this in a literal and figurative sense about civilization.
Good use of simile, metaphors and imagery. There is a beginning, a middle, and an end, which gives this poem good flow. Well done.
AmyWalker reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
I thought this was really good!
Very impressive writing here, I thought the flow and wording was just absolutely great. The imagery and emotions behind the words is well portrayed throughout the entire poem.
The structure of it all I think could be presented better b\c it kind of scattered my mind everywhere especially towards the end and I found it abit hard to understand at first… but after going over it again it came together I thought the overall piece is well done.
Keep up the good work!
Amy
Budderflibecks reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
The first line introduces a powerful standpoint…the acknowledgement of a mass un-acceptance yet still upholding strengths perhaps due to the realization and embracing of being stark grey on green hills…not meant to blend in and taking no solace in being like everyone else….Which brings me to the feeling of how honorable I think it is when one allows themselves to be themselves and when beings collectively succeed with this mindset…standing (firmly) in unison. I am trying to get some clarity with my interpretation of “quarry”….which brings me to the following stanza … “We will not quarrel with the quarry, for each is beyond reason, the quarrel and the quarry. You have no idea what I am thinking…I really don’t want to say because I am very opinionated….actually to be put delicately this reminds me of so many different unsavory viewpoints that I have given up arguing to or about…just put it like that. I think I am thinking too much as this piece is bringing about the idea of so many “unspoken” principles that I stand upon because of the rejection I have suffered in my life because of who I am. I hope that I am not mis-interpreting this piece by taking to personally…so let’s get back on track (lol).
“We will be beach stones and river stones, thrown through the world, skipped by children across the ocean. We will be no longer refused, for there are many mason and many more
stones.” Naturally this segment reminds me of lateral relationships…decentralization I guess…and I am all for that….This poem also reminds of what true independence is…
The fifth to the last line…using the word “I” just unleashes the power of this write even more by marking a definite statement of tangible direction….The best write I have reade..ever …really and I would love to see this write this published if it is not already. I hope this review
is worthy to be read and not thrown out like all the rest that I have written to poets on this site…Thanks
Howard_Bushart reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Wow. What a good read. It just rolled downhill, building up speed like a …well, you know. The pace is terrific and the images sharp, tactile and immediately apprehended. This is one of the best I’ve read on this site and I can’t imagine many poetry editors turning it down. My humble suggestions for change are that you might consider present tense in the opening six verses and lose an article or two (below). Very good job. I’d really be proud of this one.
Nitpickings:
verse 1—may read a bit better without “that”
verse 10—mason(s)
verse 13—the passsage “hurricane warned” pulls me up at this point and I’m not exactly sure why. Uniquely constructed phrases are, of course, common in poetry so that’s not it. Perhaps because it follows such a killer image as the bellowing of “whistles across a Mayan village” steals it’s thunder. I wish I could be more specific but it pulls me up every time.
verse 14—“the” opening the verse might be better omitted or changed to “we” to balance the beginning of the sentence ”...we stones of science/we stones of salvation” your call, of course.
Amy152 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I really loved this piece. I have no critique for you. I found it very easy to read, there was nothing I stumbled over and I feel that you were very clear about how it will take the diffrent to “rebuild”, as those that were all the same collapse…Beautiful imagery as well, not tired and overdone.
JPWatt reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
There were parts to this poem that I really liked, my favorite being:”thrown through the world, skipped by children across the ocean. We were no longer
refused” but I kind of got sick of reading the word “stones” over and over. Overall, not bad.
76_Rhoades reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
10th line down: correction – masons
line 12- while we hurricane warned, we stones of
science, (?)
line 11 – Homes were (to) be built of us, or (-be)
lines 15-17 -is your repetition of rebellion intentional? I noticed something similar in lines 3,5,6.
also i think that by cutting line 15- Rebellion is coming again, Stonehenge
is leaving- line 16 seems to have more weight.
this piece seems to be about the master builders march through civilization, and the eventual overthrow of subordinate systems – though it has a very proletarian feel to it. especially considering the open lines, it makes me think about the original american republic, and later its growth through immigration…
I don’t know I have been reading this for a couple of hours, counting syllables, words, looking at line breaks and trying to find order in the hanging ends.
Showing 1 - 10 of 12
Next →
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
6 Reviews 4 Comments
Version 2
Latest Activity: about 1 year ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 6 Times
Ratings & Rankings
Versions
| Version 2 | Version 1 (Deleted) |