thanks, it’s flash, so not much more.. and it’s a parody of a story that goes nowhere, so i didn’t have much to work with.
Humor/Satire / Thelma goes on
“. . . hotter than a summertime crawfish boil.”
Thelma and Frank retired to the back porch trying to escape the heat from the kitchen. She liked to sit on the screened in porch and look at the picture of her late husband Delroy Jenkins that she kept above the door. “Alaw that man was a stallion,” she bellowed out to Frank who had run back inside to help himself to a fresh bowl of beer.
“How in Jesus’ name can you swallow that filth, it’s hotter than a possoms poop hole”. Even though she knew full well that Frank wouldn’t answer her she still waited a moment before she went on.
“Good Lord Frank,” she whined as she took off her faded yellow apron and sat down on the rotting porch swing that her late husband had built. “Sometimes I feel like that mean ol bastard is still here, maybe it’s because of you, you two never spent more than a few hours apart your whole damn life.
This much was true Frank had been Delroy’s closest companion for as long as anyone could remember. She didn’t like him at first, he was always nosing around the fridge, he put his feet on everything, and when he had too much to drink he would often roll around it the mud and then try to make it with Thelma. But, since he was Delroy’s best friend she eventually got used to his uncivilized ways.
Years ago she never would’ve thought that she would end up with Frank after Delroy had passed. But time has a way of wearing people down, and everybody gets lonely at times. No one seemed to mind, or even think it was strange. The neighbors were glad she had Frank to keep her company, even if he was still trying to nail every bitch in Hograss, Louisiana, at the end of every night he still came home to Thelma.
“Frank,” she said, as he sat down on the swing next to her, ”I know you don’t talk much, but can you tell me what Delroy said that day,”
He looked at her with his big brown Cajun eyes and exhaled a deep breath through his nose.
“Fine Frank, you win,” She begin to laugh.. you always win.. I won’t be asking no more, not today nohow.”
Frank looked at her and smiled.
Thelma couldn’t take it “What the hell’d dat man say was so damned high and mighty that you can’t tells me what it wuz”
She looked away from him at the picture of Delroy. “Dat ol sumbitch never did put no thought inta wut he’d say to me, it was just clean and cook and walk to the market. ALAW!! sometimes I am glad he’s gone.” She stood up and pointed a finger at the picture of Delroy,
“You hear me you sunofabitch!”
Thelma was crying, Frank got off the swing and slowly walked over to her, he didn’t say anything, just leaned against her. Ignoring him she continued yelling at the picture of Delroy. “I know your there you two-bit-inbred bastard, you’re everywhere”.
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Claire_D reviewed Version 2 -
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trav8434 reviewed Version 2 -
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joshysbutterfly reviewed Version 2 -
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“around it the mud” should read “in the mud” I am sure it is just a typo though. I don’t really understand why this is in satire and humor though. It ends with a woman lashing out at her dead husband. And I really didn’t like “possoms poop hole” And it should be possums. Why not try “Hotter than two dogs screwing in a wool blanket”. It just seems more appropriate. And I grew up in the south and still live in GA so I know how people talk down here. I just thought it was more sad than funny.
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FrakKevin reviewed Version 1 -
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lol she doesn’t even appreciate the guy their now with her. She’s still obsessed with the dead one. That what I think the meaning of this was…like when people right in accents even though I dont know how to pronounce ALAW. I liked this and if my meaning is wrong…whats the right one
OfTrepidation reviewed Version 1 -
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This was very fun and entertaining to read. I LOVE squirrly female charaters with potty mouths. Good time. I wanted to read more…
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