Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / The chapter of Lady Die

What is this supposed to mean?

You know…you can delete things rather than leave them posted to clutter up the queue.

No, I do not want to read more.

Sorry. This is very choppy, disconnected and doesn’t flow well. I’m left knowing almost nothing about any of the characters, except that I think they belong to a fundamentalist Catholic sect.

And, incidentially, the FBI would have no influence in Germany. By charter or law or whatever, they technically investigate within the UDA, and the CIA would go outside the USA.

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July 10, 2008

by re1711

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	50.0% (2 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
50	F	Germany	August 09

Thank you very much for reading my story. You are right. It was not a good idea to cut a book story into a short story. I will delete this version and I will start with another one again. But nevertheless: your comment helped me. Please, one thing is very important for me. Why did you read my story? Was the title interesting?

July 10, 2008

by paigemc

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
224	90.6% (96 votes)	32.7%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
54	F	Athens, GA	August 26

When I have time I read everything in the mystery/crime section. The opening line started interesting

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If this is the story line, this is way confusing.  

“He switches himself into the line frequency of the secretary and warned her.” – this line makes no sense to me at all, I can understand that he warns the secretary, but switches himself into the line frequency of what?

“The horror managers don’t find this funny at all and the story starts to get thrilling….the FBI attacked his warehouse and started to ruin the magician….” – okay, it needs to get funny or thrilling or something!

I’m sure the story will develop and be interesting, but to get us interested you need a better intro, this is just a little confusing.

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July 10, 2008

by re1711

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	50.0% (2 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
50	F	Germany	August 09

Thank you very much for reading my story. You are right. It was not a good idea to cut a book story into a short story. I will delete this version and I will start with another one again. But nevertheless: your comment helped me. Please, one thing is very important for me. Why did you read my story? Was the title interesting?

July 10, 2008

by sjvance

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
366	66.7% (147 votes)	33.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
50	F	United States	September 05

I love horror, so I don’t know that it was particularly the title.  I would be interested in reading the book version though.  

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