Poetry / Screams of Dreams

Sirens in the silence
Voices in my head
All helping me through
My pain and my dread
Hearing the past scream
All too close it seems
For it to be the past
Pain will always last
I cant believe
All that I’ve felt
But now the sadness
Starts to melt
Feeling the pain
Driving me sane
Screaming at the rain
Nothing to gain
Living to die
Starting to cry
Asking me why
I’m wanting to die
Nothing to live for
But still I live
Trying to see all
I have to give
But the sun breaks the clouds
Giving what happiness is allowed
God sheds his light
Stops the fight
Teaching to cope
Bringing me hope
Floating on wings of angels
And flying all through heaven
I see all i need to see
Which makes me scream again
I wake with a start of my dream
Remembering all that I saw
Thinking of the answers shown to me
And agree in disbelief
Nevermind the past
Forget all old thoughts and fears
Starting a new world
Thinking free of tears
Ill hold loose to the wind
Harness the strength of light
Enjoy the simple pleasures
Stare into the stars of night
Let the chips fall where they may
Keeping all cards to play
And think not of the past demons
And live alive while dreaming

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Reviews

August 17, 2008

Lin

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
564	64.8% (159 votes)	59.8%

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68	M	Australia	September 29

Lin reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

You are certainly working at it & making great progress!
Great start & your ending was ok too.
I thought the middle was more of the same. cheers, lin

Sirens in the silence
Voices in my head
All helping me get through
My pain and dread

I enjoy the simple pleasures
Like staring into the stars at night
Letting the chips fall where they may
Keeping all my cards in play
Forgetting past demons
Living yet still dreaming

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August 08, 2008

starla77

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
91	76.7% (30 votes)	14.0%

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31	F	Italy	November 14

starla77 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I like the content of your poem. It’s important, it’s about understanding life, death and everything in between. But I think it’s too long and it lacks of structure. You keep repeating the same things several times,(“pain”, “past”, “die”, “live”, “cry”, “dream”), so the poem can easily be made shorter and more fluent and chosing the right words the dream you’re describing will also become clearer. Insist more on imagery.
Hope this can help.

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	82.5% (40 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
26	M	Storrs Mansfield, CT	November 17

July 21, 2008

Sweettouch

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
271	68.7% (131 votes)	26.3%

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43	F	Walsenburg, CO	August 16

Sweettouch reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

A good piece through and through. I am thinking many will object to the constant rhyming but I found it refreshing as it is something many now leave out of poetry altogether. A missing link so to speak.

The hope in your words shines through the pain you have felt and I sympathsize with this.

Enjoyed it.