Magic Smile
Do you feel the magic? Yes, I know we may be strangers. Still I feel the magic.
And, when I see you smiling,that’s when I know you’re flying high. I see the magic in your smile.
I may not fit your pattern of what I’m supposed to do. Let’s break out from all patterns, be children of the truth.
I ache for you so much,though we’ve never touched. So, ain’t life kind of crazy, baby?
Yet, when I see you smiling,that’s when I know you’re flying high. I see the magic in your smile.
Who would have imagined? Who knows where you’ll find it? Do you feel the magic?
When I see you smiling, that’s when I know you’re flying high. I see the magic in your smile.
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This song reminded me of some things and caught my attention. The only I would change is the format it reads like a paragraph though it’s a song
Let’s start with the positives. The emotion comes through clear. The imagery is good. And it seems to fit a beat with ease.
Some of the negatives are, there’s no real form to it. That may be because this is just part of a song, or it may be an attempt at converting poetry to lyrics, but I’d like to see it longer with more of a defined form. It’s also a bit superficial. Dig a little deeper and see what other feelings come up. The best lyrics are usually the most honest. Keep at it. :)
I’m not quite sure what to take from this peice. I’m assuming the “magic” represents love or infactuation but what I’m not sure of is; Is this a love song? Or is this a sad song? There are many abstract ideas in this musical peice that I feel need better explaination or more support. I’m sure the writer knows exactly what message they are getting across but as a reader it leaves me a little baffled. I look foward to a revised version. Thanks for the read. With all respects. :)
hi there,
well, the bad news first, which i have said to everyone who wants their work published..you have to really write something special for someone to put up money for publication..(just being honest)...unless you do it urself of course.. but as for your poem, i think it is very sweet, and i believe people tdo feel a magic, even if it’s just in a smile, a smile is a powerful thing (i believe)..it goes a long way in starting a relationship..even if it’s just friends..a nice smile always attacts everyone..and you have wrote just that, the word magic is nice, but i believe it goes evebn further than that,,but i yapped enough…:)..keep writing, and keep SMILING…:)..later, jim
Hey i understood what you were trying to get across.was this in a girls point of view or guys?its hard for me to tell how it going to sound. needs work but what you have here can be used good luck
This is brief and it also lacks a strong hook. They are supposedly strangers and yet he knows her well enough to presume she’s flying high. That particular verse, particularly since it is repeated, does not sit well in this lyric. Perhaps you could try something that eludes to your reference of “Do you feel the magic?”.
When you smile at me
it’s in your mouth and in your eyes
There’s magic in your smile
it’ like a spell that you’ve devised
There’s a good idea here. It needs some work and revision. If you lay it out in more ryhtmic stanzas it will help you organize it better and it will read more smoothly.
I like the idea of this song however not the most original. Perhaps a good start though. I feel it is rather short and you should add some more lyrics to it or it will sound too repetitive. It is upbeat and sweet if you add a little more to it it would help it a great deal I feel.
overall I thought the lyrics were pretty good but honestly the thought of these two people being strangers kind of creeped me out. I can tell from this piece that the author has a knack for poetically constructing beautiful lyrics, but I just got lost in the idea of a stranger fantasizing about me. maybe its just me?
These lyrics make me happy and are so refreshing to read. I like how you approach letting someone know how you feel in these lyrics.
I don’t know if it really matters, but I would separate verses with a space at least. Otherwise, I really liked what you’ve written.
Good luck with your writing.
Rhonda
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