Lyrics / UNDER YOUR FEET

This is definitely a song! I love it. Hm, I read it over and over and it’s something I can see Paramore singing. I really like this…Well DONE!

My favorite part is:
You should look down sometimes that’s what I think
‘cause I’ve become nothing but a carpet under your feet

ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC

Wonderfully done, the line I appreciated the most was: “Your smile was a fake, a game to double the stake”

Keep writing! I wish I could hear it sung

This was really good, although I think you struggle to make sure that everything rhymes, and that kind of messes it up at points.

This gets off to a good start. And I especially like the “carpet” reference, quite unique. I will mention that the sentiment at the beginning was more convincing to me as a reader. I think it started with a Bono-ish sort of feel--almost Pop era. Then it kind of got lost after that, I think in a more generic “rap rock” feel. It has very strong emotions behind it--I can relate to that. I just think you might consider adding a little more flavor in the second half--it just seems to lag a little. If you’re going for a “nu metal” sound with it--this might work really well. At any rate, you have a strong handle on the rhythm and that comes across well. You might just want to refine it slightly, but that will be to your discretion because I am not sure what sort of music would be placed with this.

Nice and clear. Nothing to confuse the point.  In this day of hard rock-hip hop “He who offends best-wins-”  the song might be considered a little weak. For a country song, it stands a pretty good chance. Good job.

Overall, I like the lyrics and would like to hear them put to music.

But first I think I should point out a few things that bothered me: nearly all of the verses flow and have a tangible rhythm, but a few seemed to hiccup during the last couple lines, throwing off the beat.

For example, the first thing that caught my eye was “if I’m quick I’m your savior”. Personally, it seems to be missing a beat; perhaps try working it, “if I’m quick I’ll be your savior”; this adjustment will also keep the tense consistent with “begging” in the line prior.

Also, keeping in mind a lack of consistency, in the line “coz you’re free”, you should type out ” ‘cause”, considering you use it in that form every other time.

If you fix the tempo a bit, and keep it more consistent in tense and word usage, this has the potential to be a very good song.

The first three stanzas sucked me in with emotion, but with the 4th stz. just the word “diplomacy,” got me thinking this was political and ruined the mood, but the rest after that got me back in to the mood, a sorrowful mood.

I don’t see a hook hear or a rep. of the title. Which is problmeatic.

I think this is orginal. But, I wouldn’t see this as something that would chart. There is strong rhyme but very uneven.

You really need a hook, and maybe a title like: Stones on my shoulders.

Blessings

This piece is definitely well written the lyrics read off like a poem. I like this because for the first time I actually see the raw emotions expressed throughout the entire piece and thats wonderful! It’s the best set of lyrics I’ve ever come across here on urbis.

I love the flow within this piece its amazing!

Keep up the good work is all I can say!

Amy

I empathize with the feelings behind this song. I know what its like to be the good person and try to help out. But yet it seems you only get walked on. Your words are too the point and do a good job of displaying how you feel and getting your point across.

Don’t you hate it when people walk all over you.  I know I do.  Good song!