It’s just something simple I wrote about my childhood…We’re all different, so sometimes I think that none of us will EVER understand eachother because we’ve ALL been through different shit. But thank you for the criticism; it truly was contstructive, nothing more nothing less
Lyrics / I Miss You
I was the princess of sorrel and the pineapple queen
Waiting for a friend, watching all the kids scream
Play, scream and play, run around the swing set
But the loneliness is what I will never forget.
In the corner of the field by the chain link fence
Eating sorrel as my priest tried to get me to repent
I was a lost cause, so he gave his pipe organ
To my family, and gave us endless bright mornings
I’d wake up to the sound of a dragon and his boy
The dragon couldn’t play, but the music was coy
In its attempts to convey the boys disappointment
As I added piano to everyone’s enjoyment
I’d start the morning fast, then the day would slow down
Because it was obvious I was the odd student in town
I’d end the day with praise and a possible fight
With another pupil, then finally, thank god, it was night.
Go home and sit on the couch with a cloud
It followed me around until a smile came out
It descended from the stairs, from a recorded room
Better than a bottle, id forget the day soon
But my sleep was always haunted by recurring nightmares
Of personal monsters and the burden of cares
So I suppose my childhood routines were iambic
In its peaks and lows, I guess it was quite tantric
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cooljim102055 reviewed Version 2 -
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hi there,
all i can say it’s very good, especially someone your age,,keep writing, you may have a future in the making…good luck, jim
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Brenny reviewed Version 1 -
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it was good i had a hard time following it tho. I think you have it like a story you could cut some words out and i didnt quit see the course but it was good
cookie7878 reviewed Version 1 -
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Unique poem. Nice rhyming. Though I wasn’t really able to picture any of it that well… I couldn’t really bring myself to see it, but I can say that it does seem to have a underlying meaning.
cooljim102055 reviewed Version 1 -
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hi there,
very good, alot of good images and alot of good fresh rhymes as well…a few maybe to fresh,....:)..like iambic and tantric..but it’s better to orginal then not..nice job, jim
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