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Poetry / Yesterdays Sunset (Analysis)
A beautiful sunset blinding by sight.
Setting over an oceans reflecting light.
Colors stream up floating slowly by.
Unique as a love that will never die.
Each day comes and each day rests,
but that doesn’t stop the sun that sets.
Every sunset different than the one before,
but each just as beautiful with colors that soar.
Memories of us remind me of this,
because like a sunset to our love I’ll submit.
And just like a sunset our love overflowed,
with every color of the rainbow streaming up from below.
Those colors mixed with our happiness painted our relationship each day.
It was unique and different but the love was always the same.
Like those many colors that painted our love.
Brightly illuminating from the depth of above.
And just like that sunset forever unique.
In my heart our relationship I’ll forever keep.
Because like that sunset different in everyway
it made each day rememberable just like the sunset from yesterday.
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PrepPunkWannabe reviewed Version 1 -
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blueeyes reviewed Version 1 -
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ColmFeoreAteMyHomework reviewed Version 1 -
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Not bad thematically, but there are a few issues which you may want to address:
1) Spelling and punctuation needs work in places. What exactly is “rememberable”?
2) Some of the word pairs seem really forced. By this I mean that I read the poem and felt like you tried to find a word that rhymed, and let this dictate what you were saying on that line. You went for fairly obvious word pairings which limited what you were able to say.
3) In some places the rhyming is pretty dodgy (ie: this/submit, day/same).
4) Pacing is poor in some parts as well. ABAB is fine, but you really have to count your syllables to make sure it flows nicely. Some lines seem really clunky.
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Winter reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a really sweet love poem. I like the way it likens the sunsets ever changing colors to the ebb and flow of a relationship. There are a couple of lines that are a little long and out of sync, but I think another edit would probably serve to tighten it up a bit more. The visuals you get of the sunset are the best part of this. I can just see a sunset in my mind’s eye. Great job!
learningtodream reviewed Version 1 -
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Beautiful! This poem uses great imagary to describe love and i love it! i especially love how you compare love to a sun set that changes everyday but still each one is very rememberable. This poem actually brought tears to my eyes. good job!
carljp reviewed Version 1 -
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this is actually a very very good poem!
i really enjoyed reading, and i can totally relate to it cos i’m head over heels in love with my girlfriend.
i like the fact that this poem is in rhyming couplets, it keeps it sweet and simple, making it a very relaxing poem to read, also it helps with the flow aswell.
i did notice one little bit though, that i would personally change, I would take out the “an” in line 2, it’ll give more sense to the line and keeps the flow steady.
other than that, this poem is truly wonderful!
SpunkRansom85 reviewed Version 1 -
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A lot of thought was put into this poem. I enjoyed it and this is coming from someone that’s not much a of a poem fan. Keep up the good work, I like the way you use your discription it’s a very vivid poem. I can see everything discribed in it.
madeliaette reviewed Version 1 -
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The best thing is the overall attitude. I like the way the ending pulls you back through, too. The weakest point would be the starting pair of lines – they don’t really grip you and make you want to read on.
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