That’s very good! And spot on!
Non-fiction / Go for it.
Order only it could if I.
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occupational_hedonist reviewed Version 1 -
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Hmmm I am not sure what to make of this one. It reads a bit like yoda speak to me. I don’t know if you intentionally put the words in a strange order or not but I am missing the point behind as to why you are doing that. But I have to admit though, it does make the reader think about it. It makes me wonder why the unusual ordering and it makes me play with the words in my head, mixing up the words in different configurations and trying to obtain different meanings.
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Spunkles reviewed Version 1 -
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This is semi confusing. I am assuming that it is supposed to scrambled. If that is so, than it becomes a case of putting them in the right, which it seems there are several variations and none of them really seem to touch on the topic.
Maybe try putting the words in reverse order instead of scrambled, since there are multiple combinations. the word order is the one that seems out of place, try substituting it.
It is possible this is going completely over my head.
Tasyin reviewed Version 1 -
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The shuffling takes a moment to comprehend, but it’s a pretty good statement about the ‘creative life’. It reminds me of all those times I’ve had the perfect sentence in my head, but as soon as I grab a pen the words shuffle and it’s just gone, with only a few leftover words that don’t make any sense.
HMStocker reviewed Version 1 -
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I hate to say this, because I actually like this quote, but it reminds me of the Spongebob episode where SB gets all mixed up because Bubble Bass says he leaves off the pickles. There’s a whole journey through playful use of language there and this reminds me of it. The episode is called “Pickles” as I recall.
I like it. I am disturbed by SB popping into my head. With that being said I might suggest maybe no caps? Order--capitalized--makes me think that it should go first in the puzzle you’ve created. Perhaps capitalize the word that goes “first” to help the reader out a bit, or no caps at all.
neophytepoetess reviewed Version 1 -
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I simply do not “get” it.
BlueDemoness reviewed Version 1 -
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difficult for like me a confused person :O)
sjvance reviewed Version 1 -
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I get the order being out of order, but I think you have a word substituted for something else maybe?
AProphetForHope reviewed Version 1 -
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Amusing but not necessarily working on lots of levels. it doesn’t really tell a story so much but i think we all know the feeling and there’s definately a unifying feeling there.
Blue_Eyes reviewed Version 1 -
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Very clever! It took me a second to figure this one out. :)
ValCapone reviewed Version 1 -
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Out or order wording is just confusing here. You’d order something if only you could? But what? Your life? A sandwich? Your tax documents? Not enough to this to make someone feel like they’ve gotten a nugget of truth or story from your 6 words.
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