I agree, but what about the six word rule?
Non-fiction / 6 word memoir (Analysis)
Was born, saw mankind, how scary!
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Instead of “mankind” why not write “people?” It seems a little more elegant and fitting, as it’s not literally possible to see every person, or “mankind.”
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Ha! How true! Humanity is frightening. Good to see you have a sense of humor about it, tho. Amusing!
needs some tightening. “was” just slows the read down.
“born.saw mankind.how scary” works as well.
tell us just how scary. what did you do as that newborn when you encountered mankind.
lol i laughed. i couldn’t help it. you are so totally right!!! lol great memoir!! this is one I’D definitely choose!!!
I agree. Well written and timely.
Unfortunately, with this structure, it seems a little like you were being cut short in your thoughts. I don’t feel as though I’m seeing your writerly self through this piece; I was left unsure as to what you were trying to express. I think what’s distracting from the message is a little inconsistency in the final phrase (“how scary”), which was preceded by two active phrases (born, saw)—it almost needs another action to make it solid. I think you’re off to a nice start, though! Good luck in the competition!
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