THINKING
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
“Nothing,” he replied.
“What are you thinking?” she insisted.
“Nothing,” he lied.
While inside his mind were:
Marshmallow nipples,
rippling folds of moist,
limbs of gold and hip of smooth,
arching loins and breast of girl,
a spasm of ecstasy,
Nirvana coming from nowhere,
out of her pink forfeit,
plumbing his depths like a submarine,
ploughing passion’s furrow,
a seam of silver melting
over blonde meringue.
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
“That I love you,” he gasped,
pulling her close, nose to nose,
the rose in him thorning desire,
setting his heart on fire,
while she smiled…
her mouth turning up at one corner.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This 54 word review has not been unlocked.
This 35 word review has not been unlocked.
This 90 word review has not been unlocked.
I like this piece. The beginning could lead you so many different ways and it is a simple conversation that every coulde even friends has. The images laid down after the opening and wonderfully descriptive and create more emotion as you read on. The ending, I felt could have been reworked, specifically the first four lines of the last section.
This was uique and well peiced together.
I did notice a coupe of things I felt worth mentioning:
‘hip of smooth,’ hips? This line doesn’t seem to fit in with the same eloquence as the rest.
and-
’...out of her pink forfeit,
plumbing his depths like a submarine,’
Her ‘pink forfeit’ was plumbing his depths? her pink forfeit is easily enough translated and forfeit would specifically mant that it ‘gives in’, not plunges his depths…It sounds like she is doing something to him that her anatomy will not accomodate…maybe he was plumbing the depths of her pink forfeiit?
Showing 1 - 5 of 5
Ratings & Rankings
Review item
Add to faves
