Quotes / Six Word Memoir

I liked this quote, sounds like a sad story about someone who tries in life thinks they could do it but keeps getting dissapointed in the end.

Okay, it has a good start, but the second line I believe needs revisions, I would get rid of the word things, to generic, to sparse, I see what you were going for though, but for me it left to much to the imagination, being more specific may help here. E.G. I thought I could, I’ve changed, or something along those lines, sometimes the reader doesn’t like to be left wondering what changed for the author. Good job keep it up!

This is, for me, flash memoir at its best.  I only have one recommendation:

“Thought I could.  Things have changed.”

Do you think this sounds a bit better?  To me, the memoir is a 5-word one, not a 6.  The first “I” is useless.

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October 25, 2008

by alw_ays

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That’s an interesting twist. I would probably consider playing with the tense of the last part “had” vs. “have”.

October 25, 2008

by Riverside

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Ooh… That is some extra wiggle room I hadn’t thought of.  A couple more suggestions on that vein:

“Think I can.  Things have changed.”

“Think I could have.  Things changed.”

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This statement would be more significant if “Things” were more specific. Even “Life” changed or “Art” changed or “Tastes” changed would be better. If these “things” are something within yourself, maybe “priorities” changed?

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October 24, 2008

by alw_ays

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The offhand response of the serious question “What happened” being “Things changed” with an accompanying shrug is an invariably baffling cliche—the idea of the change being shrugged off contrasted with the specifics and honesty of a memoir.

I wonder how being more specific could add gravity to this remark. What about a singular change would make the speaker incapable of whatever the action is?

October 24, 2008

by DCAllen

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I see the reason for leaving it open, but I do think that the more specific words are more serious. Priorities (having a baby), Tastes (meaning my art wasn’t trendy anymore). A friend of mine was training for the Olympics when he tore a ligament in his leg. Things changed. You’re right, of course.

October 24, 2008

by alw_ays

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Good and appreciated. Thank you.

November 02, 2008

by lmjean3

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Wow DCAllen, I read your review after I left mine, we actually agree on something!

November 02, 2008

by DCAllen

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I think we agree on a lot of things. :)

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The sense of defeat is overwhelming and at the same time I’m hopeful.  It makes you wonder did things change because you couldn’t or did they change because you actually did.

i’m sorry. i’ve seen too many entries about the same idea. and this isnt nearly as creative. i’m sorry. i’m just trying to be honest/constructive. be more specific about your dream and what changed, i guess. i think that would make it stand out more. best of luck.

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August 23, 2008

by alw_ays

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No apologies necessary. I was after a level of pessimism, you know, the long version of “I can’t.”

Thanks,
A

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i like this although i think things change is more universal, but either way it has a shot so good luck!

I loved the first 4 words because they left so much open. Almost a cliffhanger kind of feel. “i thought I could” it’s exiting to read what happens. But I didn’t like the “things change” Only because I don’t agree that change has a stronger influence that your own will. But also you did state that you “thought” which leaves room open that the writer is doubting there own abilities. Perhaps it was your own doubt that left room for change. If maybe you were sure you could do it than it would of happened. Nevertheless, I liked this memoir. Great job and good luck in the contest. With respect. -Corruptedstatic.

I might suggest dropping the “d” from “changed”, but otherwise I like this one. :)

hi there,

well that sounds familiar..to alot of us..you tried and thought one way..got a litle oldefr, seen the light..:) accepted what was what and carried on..it’s to bad i never did…:)..i was thinking of “i thought i could…thinking changes” jsut thought i’d throw that out there…good luck,,jim