thanks for the review.
katep
Poetry / One Way Street (Analysis)
One Way Street
Time passes by like those nights
Spent staring at the ceiling
Wishing I could stop
MY heart from feeling.
So here I go again,
Back to an old friend…
A dirty one way street.
Has anybody round here
Seen or heard Blake’s
Angels in the trees?
Through a cloud of smoke,
An old man said to me,
Darlin’ if that’s what you’re lookin’ for
This ain’t the place to be.
Outside, the cold wind blows
And everybody down here knows,
The bell tower chimes for me.
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Penlight reviewed Version 1 -
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Nice mix of rhyme that almost feels like prose at times cause its not too “Right on, rhymy”, but the poem starts out in 3rd person narrative….then becomes 1st person narrative. ”staring at the ceiling wishing YOU could stop (someone elses?)..YOUR heart from feeling? (3rd person). The next stanza..”so here I go again” (1st person) Then the ending stanza talks about the bell tower chiming for ME…(1st person narrative). Is he wishing for someone else to stop THEIR heart from feeling? and if not, then it might better be written, by keeping the 1st person narrative throughout the whole poem…I love the reference to Blake and this work gives me a “Blues Guitar player” feel. Great Poem.
1st person narrative would be…”Time passes by like those nights
Spent staring at the ceiling
wishing I could stop
MY heart from feeling”.
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Anonymous reviewed Version 1 -
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Seems to have several layers in it. First it’s just lonely, then it’s “forgiving” or going back to someone just out of habit. Next, it seems to be a sort of longing and finally it seems to describe death. The poem moves from one thing to another very quickly. While that’s not really a bad thing, I personally would have written a poem for each concept individually. The rhythm was pretty tight, I think I almost picked the right one. I liked the punctuation, it certainly enhanced the poem.
greenbabe13 reviewed Version 1 -
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it’s very interesting but at the same time very cliche. go into description! kisses!
Delia
RoadHousePress reviewed Version 1 -
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Blake’s Angels in the trees? Could you explain that reference to me? I don’t understand that line, but I don’t know the what this refers to, so please let me know what it is in the poem for?
Also: The bell tower chimes for me. Nice line but I don’t get what it means. I know I must be missing the point of this poem and yet, I like the way it is set up, the rest of it reads smooth and even those two lines I am questioning, sound good.. I just don’t can’t figure them out.
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