Poetry / The End

I do not know how long I’ll last
In this hell of my own making
My innocence seems like a remote past
Of which I have forsaken
Darkness consumes my every thought
As my heart is slowly breaking
My mind drifts to battles fought
Of which there was no escaping
The death and misery that I’ve seen
Of which there is no forgetting
Will weigh forever on my empty soul
Which is ready for the taking

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Reviews

July 20, 2008

joelhicks

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
16	66.7% (3 votes)	100.0%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
26	M	Germany	July 27

joelhicks reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

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July 20, 2008

WanderingVerse

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
34	78.9% (19 votes)	35.8%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
25	M	United Kingdom	November 26

WanderingVerse reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

A touching and honest account of your emotions that portrays the point you trying to get across in a convincing manner. Flows well as you read it, my only suggestion is possibly consider changing the one line to “My mind drifts to battles fought” says the same thing but without the extra words that break up the flow a little. This is only my opinion and apart from that I really like this piece.