Poetry / The Constant Journey

The poem I think is really good. Its short and to the point and you don’t use any fancy words. I liked how you made the second and third lines. You describe people living “with blind eyes” which is often true. Good luck with this.

A very true and relevant piece of poetry. One nitpicky comment – you seem to have typed “ouselves” instead of “ourselves.” Just a typo, I’m sure.

People should let go of their stupid pointless lives and stop worrying about being the richest or the most successful or having the most money. He who dies with the most toys wins—wins what?

You’ve hit the essence of it.  You just have a few structural things to take care of to have this work really well.  The And on the last stanza makes it 4 beats instead of the 3 on the first lines of the others and doesn’t add anyting.  The last lines also fail to have consistency in beat.  They count 6/5/6/7.  It wouldn’t take much to fix.  EACH OTHER is also one beat longer than the corresponding lines in the other stanzas.

Love the shape of the poem, I think it’s lovely but ‘Like there’s no more time’ didn’t make sense in the context… maybe I’m tired.  Really liked the last bit.  The simplicity works for you to convey your message.

You do a great job showing how the world can take control of out daily lives. This is short but hits the point. You choose the right words to describe what you are feeling

Reading the poem you do get a vague idea that its about being busy in life and not having time to do things but it is a very vague idea – and probably even vaguer without you telling the reader what the poem was out in the notes at the top – i dont think this would have much of an impact on a reader, really didnt like this one much !

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December 30, 2006

by Fossilized_Sap

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
22	77.8% (9 votes)	3.6%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
28	F	Glen Burnie, MD	August 01

You know I’ve heard this same type of criticism before…not enough detail, too abstract for the reader to identify with. For some reason that’s always been really difficult for me when it comes to poetry.

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