Short Story / The Thing Is.
The thing is, I love her but I can’t do anything about it. This trap is exacting and permanent and will kill any semblance of a calm life…if I step into it. She knows how I feel now. That makes it worse. Most days I am able to ignore my hearts request. Then there are the days like today. I wake up feeling lonely and cold and I remember her face and the intimate conversations when we shared things no one else knows. She has invited me to reach, to touch, to explore, but that would mean crossing a line. That motion is forbidden to me. It would take away all I have worked for. I love her but could I give away everything for her?
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This 115 word review has not been unlocked.
This 180 word review has not been unlocked.
A good start but it doesn’t move me. It comes across as being rather cold and emotionless, despite the fact it should be an emotionally charged piece. Expand on the feelings the emotions, maybe even try to draw on past emotions and experiences you felt. Right now it seems too forced to me and too clinical. It is a piece about pain, about emotional suffering and it does not make me feel that. I feel no empathy. Elaborate more on the feelings, the sensations he feels when he thinks of her, the associations he has on her. Bring more details into it to help bring it to life.
- add/view comments (1)
i think it’s great. few spelling/grammar things – but it’s a work in progress. can’t wait to read more!
Showing 1 - 4 of 4
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
