Lyrics / "I Never Knew"

Great song tragic and sad. The difficulty I am having with it is picking up on the vibe or the flow, I am unable to hear it singing in my mind as I read. Really good lyrics have a way of doing that for the reader. The fix may be as simple as removing some words such as in stanza 1: i guess the hook is -

          Between me and you,I Never Knew
          I never had a clue, God I Never Knew
instead maybe you could leave the I out on never had a clue:

          Between me and you,I Never Knew,
          Never had a clue, God I Never Knew

In the stanza 2:
          Feeling like I am someone special
          Is the last thing I would ever expect

Leave out “ever” it is unnecessary in song the I before would might be a word that the singer would hold for a moment.

It’s definitely a beautiful song and this is only my opinion, only some minor tweaking can make this a very powerful message.  

I really love this. It’s a haunting and different perspective, and I think you portrayed it well.

One thing: Don’t rhyme with “gun”...It’s too easy, and it’s not a very powerful word to end a line with. The word itself is almost amateurish for a suicide piece.

(cloths=clothes)

Good twist!
I did notice some mistakes though. “That I should never had bought that gun” probably should be, “That I never should have bought that gun,” or alternately, “That I should never have bought that gun.”
In the line, “And wandered why I had wanted to die,” wandered should be spelled wondered.
All in all these are pretty decent lyrics. You’ve got good structure, the rhyming works well, and most importantly what you’re saying makes sense. Good job.

I like how you wrote this song from the POV of a somewhat gost of someone who has commited suicide and he realizes that people did care for him. Very unique

Wow…this was really deep.  Heart touching.

I’d liked to hear the music that goes to the song(if you have it yet) so I can get the full effect. I really like the way you tell the story, how each verse gives just a little more but you don’t tell the meaning ‘till the end. I would really, really like to read more of your work!!

Ok, this isn’t bad at all. I just think that there needs to be a hook. When you start off a song, you really shouldn’t start it with “As” because even if it’s  not, it sounds like you’re starting in the middle of the story. Rather than “more than I could ever imagine” why not say “more than I imagined” Same with the next line; less is always better just because when it’s a song it wont sound as rushed. You can do more with a short line versus a long line. The 4th line in the 2nd stanza sounds kind of random and I dont understand it. You really shouldn’t like, break up the phrase. I dont know sorry if I sound confusing! I really think it would all sound better in past tense. But that’s just me. Your bridge and everything else is pretty good, just appeal to the audience! Good job and good luck! keep writting!

This would be a great poem but for a song I think it is alittle to intense….the subject matter….

“People dressed in their church cloths…”

you spelled “clothes” wrong here

“I never saw through the insanity
That I was liked and loved by so many”

to dress this line up how about…

I never could break through the insanity that was accepted and loved by so many…

Just some suggestions good  job overall

I liked this…”

“File by me with grace and respect
Feeling like I am someone special
Is the last thing I would ever expect” it really depicts you finally realizing what it is that you were searchin for

this is absolutely amazing…I think i prefer it as a poem though!

“As the night slowly fades away
And my last guest says his last goodbye
I look back to my dark final day
And wandered why I had wanted to die”

At first I thought that as a whole it was too morbid, but this piece gives it a little regret, a little more humanity, and makes it more like someone giving the rest of the world a lesson and a warning.

Excellent!

delete the 3 thats in the bridge. and where you plainly say you died. you don’t need to, it’s explicit enough w/o that
it’s good.