Thanks! The woman in the story was actually me. :)
Flash Fiction / Homecoming at Pier Ten (Analysis)
Pier 10, residing at the western edge of Norfolk’s Naval Station, has set the stage for countless scenes depicting heart-breaking separations of sailors and their loved ones; however, today is a day for rejoicing – for today the pier welcomes home the long overdue U.S.S. Nassau.
The sun’s fierce rays beat down on the crowds gathered for the homecoming, but could not diminish the excitement or anticipation that consumed each man, woman, and child present this morning. Colorful balloons, miniature patriotic flags, and handmade “Welcome Home” signs dot the busy landscape. Nine months earlier, the morning sun had scarcely begun to shine when I tearfully parted ways with my husband on this pier. The pain that overcame me that day was unbearable, and I grieved as if Blake had passed away. Leaving before the ship departed, I drove home, and in a sense embarked on my own deployment – I was in my eighth week of pregnancy, with no family close-by to share the journey.
Today, I proudly wait under the white gazebo reserved for new mothers, grateful for the shade it provides. A glance at the precious baby nested snugly in my arms releases the butterflies in my belly, as I imagine what the future holds for our new family. Running my hand over his dark, silky hair, while watching his chest rise and fall with each breath, I ponder the change that lies ahead for this unsuspecting baby. Above me, a flock of seagulls gracefully glide along the air’s currents, their bugle-like cries ceremoniously fuse with the sound of the water slapping against the splintered pillars below the pier – a welcomed symphonic diversion for the moment. From what I could hear of the conversations nearby, they consisted mainly of
half-hearted nervous chatter to pass the time; but, the occasional infectious cry of excitement did spice it up a bit. My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of applause, which soon spreads throughout the crowd, accompanied by ear-piercing whistles and shouts of joy. Heart pounding, my eyes quickly scanned the horizon and come to rest upon the glorious silhouette of the vessel that I once despised. Within the hour, my lips will once again be kissed by the love of my life.
The coastal winds grew stronger as the gray steel ship sliced her way through the water at what seemed to be a painstakingly slow pace. Finally, the Nassau is so close that I can distinguish the sailors lined up around the ship’s deck, donning their dress whites and bearing expressions that revealed a newly discovered sense of pride. The imagery of this time-honored tradition is breathtaking, and I knew that it would forever be ingrained in my mind.
The low-pitched horns from the tugboats signal the start of their mission to safely guide the U.S.S. Nassau to dock at the pier. The little bundle of joy I cradle in my arms stirs, extends his left leg, and then tilts his head back in what had become a familiar wake-up routine. I prepare a bottle, feed the baby, and watch the approaching ship, smiling, knowing Blake will be so proud of me.
Before I knew it, the ship was being secured to the pier. The anticipation is almost unbearable, and my heart begins to race, the sound of each beat fills my ears. Suddenly, paralyzed by fear, my self-confidence crumbles and I wonder if Blake would still find me attractive. Fearing a panic attack, I breathe deeply and focus on the ship, searching for any sign of movement. The shrill sound of feedback startles me, emitted from speakers that are hidden from view, followed by a woman’s voice as she welcomes us and then announces the lucky couple who would get the “first kiss”. Until then, the ship stood motionless with no signs of life; but, after the crowd erupted in cheers upon notification of the winner, the bay doors lifted and a ramp was lowered. A few minutes later, as every eye was fixed on that exit, a sailor emerges, looking as if he might buckle under the weight of the army green sea bag slung over his right shoulder. A movement at the opposite end of the pier caught my attention, and as I watch, a petite woman dressed in a blue and white sundress briskly walks down the pier toward what appears to be her husband. Moments later, they embrace and share an emotional kiss that doesn’t seem to leave a dry eye in the crowd.
The woman speaks into her microphone again, this time instructing the new moms to take their position on the pier. Before I could fully comprehend her words, the women surrounding me began to quickly gather their belongings and head toward the ship. Not wanting to be left behind, I grab the baby’s diaper bag, and am soon following the ladies before me. Around me, it seemed as if time had stopped. I was bombarded with emotions during my trek across the pier, and was astounded that I was able to walk on legs that felt like rubber. The salty taste of tears on my lips brought the realization that I was sobbing, and knew that any trace of makeup that may have survived today’s events is most likely gone by now.
The brand new dads file out of the ship’s bay doors and move toward us as fast as their heavy cargo would allow. Since the sun had moved above the ship now, I had to shield my eyes, and as a result, missed the remainder of the procession. In front of me, men happily embraced their new families, and to the right stood a group of news reporters and photographers that begin to infiltrate the reunited couples to get their stories. Once I looked past them, I saw my husband’s beautiful face, grinning as he ran toward us. Unbelievably, Blake is right in front of me – the real, flesh and blood, in-the-same-country version – and then he kisses me. His eyes focus solely on me for the first few seconds, before glancing down at his new baby boy. That action spoke volumes. Being the perfect gentleman that he is, I suspect the gesture was planned beforehand. And there we stood, forehead to forehead, gazing down at our son, and I knew at that moment that everything was going to be just fine.
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DC_Karma reviewed Version 1 -
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ae reviewed Version 1 -
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Are you sure this is fictgion? It has all the clarity of memory, without the usual scenery and fill that fiction tends to produce. In either case, it is beautifully written, very clean and concise. Let me emphasize—very CLEAN. It’s good work. This would get picked up by Reader’s Digest or any women’s magazine in a heartbeat. Sell it!
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Charley_Groth reviewed Version 1 -
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Spunkles reviewed Version 1 -
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shadowedxrain reviewed Version 1 -
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I loved this story. You’re obviously either in the army, a spouse of someone in the army, or you have on-hand experience with deployment, because the raw emotion in this piece is not only tangible, but also very beautiful and real.
Some grammar and punctuation editing would help throughout, but overall, I absolutely love it. The depiction of a couple separated by oceans, and the joy they share over the birth of their son is just lovely. Well done.
Fazzerelli reviewed Version 1 -
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the_venus_in_isis reviewed Version 1 -
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I think ‘nestled’ would be better than ‘nested’.
I liked that you said she left before the ship departed originally, it led me to think it was too painful to watch it slip away, which was a nice conclusion that you let the reader come to on their own.
You spend a lot of time describing the build up, which was really good. You gave me a clear picture of the location and atmosphere-nervous idle chater. It really got me to anticipate the arrival and meeting between the two. I was a bit surprised at the ‘I was bombarded by emotions’, because up until then you’d been describing everything, so that felt a bit like telling, instead of the showing you had been doing. The couple who got first kiss was very tender, yet at the same time I was hoping for them to get it over with so Blake could finally hold his son and kiss his wife.
My only quibble is the end seems achingly short. When he finally gets to her, it feels entirely too brief. I was hoping for a longer reunion between the two, a longer description. A few settled fears, etc. Does he kiss her before he holds her? You don’t mention him wrapping his arms around the two, which is odd because you’ve been very detailed up to this point.
Overall, I really enjoyed this, though. It made me feel good, and almost wish I had a camera to take their picture with. Very sweet and tender.
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