Part 2 is Titled, Expect shit. I will put it up now in case you care to read it.
Short Story / The dirt that follows
I can hear a shovel full of dirt as it hits the coffin. It slides off the curved top and down the sides. Every muscle in my body tenses at the sound. I turn m head and try as hard as I can to sink into the velvet lining. Hawaii starts to sound pretty damn good right about now. I close my eyes and try to sink away into the lining once more. Same as before I am still here. It strike me funny how they put so much time and effort into making the dead comfortable, gotta pick out a coffin, the shoes have to match the dress, make sure there is enough padding in the coffin. Is it the right color? The only question the really should be asking is if it matters? Shit, I’m still alive and the color and amount of my pillow are about the furthest things from my mind.
Another shovel full of dirt falls.
I try to breathe slow and talk myself through it. I can’t blame anyone, I tell myself, not even the two guys with the shovel. I open my eyes, blackness all around. Darkness. Nothing but my own actions brought me here. I knew that, maybe not the specifics, but I sure as hell knew something was coming. You can convince yourself it will be ok right up until the moment the lid shuts and the shovels start. It is amazing how long the heart can hold out hope. Breaking glass, you’re being put into a bag. It’ll be ok. They throw you in the back of a truck and kick you in the ribs. The police will come, someone will save you. They have to. From the truck to the ground to your feet. As the bag comes off the wind you tell yourself it’s the wind that makes you chill, and not the open coffin in front of you. A gun cocking and you climb in the coffin. The lid closes. God will save you, a lightning bolt from the sky. He has to. And than
A shovel full of dirt falls
If she got away it was all worth it. I close my eyes and think of her. I see her in a town somewhere, miles away. She never has to look over shoulder, she is free. Die for something and you live forever. Die for nothing and that’s what you become. I open my eyes, and the darkness is still there, waiting for me. I wouldn’t be anywhere else if I could. She must have got away, or they wouldn’t be going to all this trouble. I tell myself that it was all worth it and I wouldn’t trade this for anything. All I have to do is think of her name and I will make it through. Hawaii sounds pretty damn good right about now.
A shovel full of dirt.
My Heart starts to pound and my breathing quickens. I take a deep breath and hold it. A little better. I take another deep breath and count backward from ten. I can’t panic now. They want to break me. . Even if they can’t hear me scream, I’ll have heard and I’ll know. Have to keep thinking, have to forget about where I am. ABC’s are all I can think of, after Z my brain freeze and I remember where I am. My heart starts to pound and my breathing quickens. I count backward from ten.
Dirt
Darkness is all around. I try and sit up but my head hits something a few inches above my face. I bend my knees, the same thing. My arms shoot straight out only to hit something hard and the wrists. Gotta remember what happened. Where am I? My hands are rubbing at my face. Fingers through my hair. My heart feels like a motor boat at it is getting hard to breathe. Something’s pulling at my hair. My heads thrashing from side to side. All of my thoughts run into each other and become one. My arms shoot straight out to the side only to hit something hard at the wrists. I try and sit up. Hit my head. A voice in my head starts to scream. A voice in my ear does the same. The sound of scraping, a sharp pain at the tips of my fingers. A rubbing sound. It is getting hard to breathe. It is getting hard to think. Start to get tired. The voice keeps screaming. My head is thrashing. Try to sit up. A rubbing sound. Something hard at my wrists. Getting hard to breathe. And than, nothing.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
LAluver4ever reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This gave me the chills, for a couple reasons. The obvious reason being the fact that it appears that the character has been buried alive, but also because it’s very good. You have some great thoughts in here, such as the part about living forever or becoming nothing. As for mistakes, there were a couple of times where there were no periods, and once where there was two. Also, “than” needs to be “then” in the case of: “And than A shovel full of dirt falls”, and the very last sentence (which, by the way, is an amazing cliffhanger). I’d love to know how the character got into that position in that first place – it really is a very intriguing story. Great work!
- add/view comments (1)
sjvance reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Oh my goodness. So this is what happened to Roxanne’s boyfriend? This is everyone’s nightmare, being buried alive. This is good, I like the way you tell it from the victim’s pov. The description of the panic that sets in is great. The only thing that seemed out of place is the reference to Hawaii. Okay, now I see where this is part one, I thought it followed Roxanne. So, I’m missing reading part 2. But this is a good story as a stand alone writing also. I can tell it’s a man who sacrificed himself so his lover could get away, the feelings he has and then the panic that ensues. I like this.
But I am going to look for part 2!
Showing 1 - 2 of 2
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
2 Reviews 2 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 3 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 2 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
