Thanks SO much for the review! I originally planned on this being a song and the ‘forgotten’ lines being part of the chorus, but I’m a horrible singer and know nothing about notes so… Anyways- glad you liked it.
Poetry / Forgotten beauty
The tears I cry,
fall untouched to the floor.
The lies you told,
bare fruit no more.
I look back, while
walking through your door.
These thoughts will fade,
And we’ll be nevermore.
So I dry my tears,
Erase your calls,
And burn your memory
Among dry leaves.
‘Cause it’s just me,
Your forgotten beauty.
It’s just me,
The one you fail to see.
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jadedpoet reviewed Version 1 -
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Hello there!
Ya know, you should find scraps more often. I love this piece. What a great way to convey loss, hurt. “And burn your memory’ Among dry leaves”. This is briliant, I can smell the leaves burning, therefore, the loss… beautiful. me…
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B_de_Caunteton reviewed Version 1 -
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It’s so musical and lyrical—effortless beauty. Every line seems to have a lyrical sentiment, simple words that you can almost sing to (“Your forgotten beauty”) I can see the notes that play to each syllable. I truly can’t say something can be rewritten because sometimes there are those moments of perfect poetic clarity and you captured that specific in moment in time just wonderfully!
~B
Thelostsoul reviewed Version 1 -
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This almost reads like a song, I like it but could I make one recommendation? Maybe provide the reader with a little more information about the lie in the third line. Did they lie about not loving you? Or not remaining faithful? Obviously lies are often the source for problems in relationships, but given the deep emotion expressed later in the piece it may help bring it some clarity to the situation. Thanks for sharing
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