Poetry / A Year at the Chelsea (Analysis)

I like this-  You are jaded by a big hope broken.  I had to read it twice to get it.  Maybe to make it more clear for the casual reader add more about the history and your emotion that is wrapped up in it.  But as a spoken aloud piece it works very well.

im sorry, but i don’t quite get it. i’d have to venture a guess and say this has something to do with the high life or something along that line. a high end social scene that so many ask for, but dont know of. can’t tell exactly what is happening. it seems almost too personal to bring out other peoples thoughts and emotions. but i am sure there is a story behind it. LATER

I like this poem because it has a lot of potential. There is well constructed stanzas. You have some strong lines here, like, “socialites and satellites collide. Wonderful alliteration with the Ls and Ss. Also with the Chelsea residents being famous the word satellites refer to those people who are hanger ons or rotating among the “stars.” Very good. Also there is so much potential for imagery to propel this along, descriptions. You’ve taken on a subject matter that I’ve read writings that miserable fail.

“facade crumbles,” is cliche, if you want to keep it I’d suggest a synonym for both words. Shudder, grasp, blood all can use wonderful descriptions, and instead of repeating “Chelsea,” you could use nuances symbolism and metaphor to refer to the hotel.

You could go further with description and imagery. “Parting yellow curtains on a Chelsea Morning,” along those lines seems more emotional.

you could be specific of songs and artistic works and film.
Joni Mitchell – Chelsea Morning
Bob Dylan’s – Sara, which has a direct reference to Chelsea
Edie Sedgwick – her Warhol Superstart Status
But there have been so many many more artists, especially writers, actors that you could include.

The stanzas might look better and read better in lines or syllables of equal length. Editors like writing to look good on page. Rethinking the 1stStz it may be best to move that down further, so it doesn’t feel unoriginal or cliche.

I’m not sure what twenty eight, seventy one is. The address? Last two lines need to be dramatic, not anti-climatic. You could even shorten it into 2 or 3 great stanzas.

Pardon MY grammar, Gregory

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July 29, 2008

by Cail

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24	F	Canada	September 11

thank you, what a great, helpfun review. I am DEFINATELY going to take your advice and do some revision.

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A worthy attempt, I feel; but a somewhat sad retrospective nonetheless. I’d love to see just a glimmer of hope; but what do I know..? Thanks for this.

Nice.  Super nice.  A little inconsistent in tone, but it took me back, and gave me such a sweet sentimental moment, enhanced by the vagaries of the imagery.  I gotta wonder how this works for anyone under 30?  What the hell… what do they know anyway?

TNX!

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July 28, 2008

by Cail

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	75.0% (12 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
24	F	Canada	September 11

I happen to be under 30.

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