thanks, this poem is my 4th poem i have others, they are called STRESSED, STRESSFUL PAIN, REST. and then there is this on that u have already had a look at.
Poetry / New to Poerty
I’m new at this as you can see.
I’m new at this as could be.
Some people like my rhymes
Some think I need more time to work.
They have said to read some books.
It’s hard to sit and think, without any previous work.
With writing my poems, its hard to not repeat.
It’s easyer for me to put together sort, simply, easy and sweet.
But I doubt this is any better, then my other three.
I know Im not with the times, I know I need to read some rhymes.
I know I need alot of work, to read some poem books.
But when will there be time?
I know all poems don’t rhyme, so as I sit here and think; on how to do.
So I can give this poem from me to you,
I hope it’s good, I hope its great.
I hope I have made no mistakes.
I feel like this is complete.
So now I submit it, and see what you all think.
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sadpoet reviewed Version 1 -
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You start out saying that you are new at this as I don’t see in the beginning. Please consider moving the “as you can see” to a later point in the piece; after the reader has a chance to see.
It seems as though you are writing thoughts more than thinking about a goal to reach in your writing. Follow some simple guidelines and it will help you to see a pattern and pull your thoughts together.
Go to the dictionary, close your eyes and put your finger on a word. That is the word you need to work with.
Read the description of the word and think about what it means to you and what you want to say about it. Write down all those ideas, then pick pieces to blend together. It takes time but it will come together with practice.
It’s easyer…easier
Everything gets better with time, practice and a true desire. You have a great natural talent and it just needs to be refined. Always look up words you are unsure of, don’t just write them down. Look at the thesarasus for different words with the same meanings, look at rhyming dictionaries. I personally don’t like to read poetry books, I don’t want to pick up that writer’s style, but that is up to you.
I will be watching for new stuff from you! Good Luck and thank you for the opportunity to see your work.
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Ctoyboy3 reviewed Version 1 -
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well if this was really your first attempt at a poem well done. there are one or two lines that don’t flow wisth the piece and one that i don’t think is needed and makes it a little repeative, no spelling or grammer mistakes that i caught.. well done.
oneshot92 reviewed Version 1 -
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Very good work girl. Writing is all about taste. what one person likes the other doesn’t. This I like. I love. Great job. Way to blow off the Big Heads on here.
supra_speed reviewed Version 1 -
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i think that its great that you picked up poetry, and believe me we all have to start somewhere. may i suggest instead of reading books, you click on the best poetry goal, and read the poems and reviews as to see why they have the best on urbis. thats better than reading books, as per told in your ryhme.
personally i hate ryhming, i think its clouding between song and poetry.
as for your piece, i didn’t like it (sorry to be blunt, but this is urbis) but that doesn’t mean you should even consider quitting. may i suggest that you try and write a poem about your very own personal experiences. thats how i got started, and i’ve been shaping it ever since. and use a thesauras, they come in handy for your descriptive words.
write on!
Charley_Groth reviewed Version 1 -
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I love this poem because it embodies what it is. On a critical level- it’s hard to recognize this for anything but a simple and sweet poem, that does show some good pacing and innocence in concept. I hope you don’t take offense but this would actually work as the text to a short children’s book. Think about it. THANX
Blue_Eyes reviewed Version 1 -
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I say, if you find pleasure in writing, then who cares what others think. That said, I feel that as long as you continue to write, then you will continue to get better. Through your own experience of writing, the opportunities that you take to read others work, and the reviews that you receive here on Urbis, you should continue to grow as a writer. Good luck! :)
Auran reviewed Version 1 -
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I admire your experimentation, but I only have suggestions that don’t particularly refer to the poem itself. Since you state your a beginner, I only leave you with these helpful guides:
SUGGESTIONS:
1. POETRY’S PURPOSE: Poetry is limitless. The purpose contains many within the perception of the eye. I’d recommend beginning writing about your most potent emotions and let them flow into fragments. Don’t attempt using rhyming because it’s not needed criteria.
2. GRAMMAR: Punctuation and grammar aren’t needed, but if you choose to, be sure to fix any simple errors such as spelling. I notice a few typos that distracts the reader at times. It’s not the most important thing, but something to watch for.
3. STYLE: I’m not really sure what your personal style, but encompass it with your poetry. I’ve messed with countless of styles before I reached mine.
4. INSPIRATION: Poetry doesn’t always have to concentrate on emotions. It can target on anything. Use your surroundings as your muse.
I hope these will help you…The important thing is, is that you need to find your own path into poetry. I can’t tell you how to write…Only mere suggestions.
V
Lin reviewed Version 1 -
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Your best line I think is,’ It’s easyer for me to put together sort, simply, easy and sweet.’ The most important thing about writing a poem is to have something to say. How you say it doesn’t matter a lot. Think of things that have been or are important in your life. Write ‘simply, easy and sweet’ and the be prepared sort, cut & paste. Be prepared to write your poem many times for a long time if necessary until it takes on a life of its own.
tia_logic reviewed Version 1 -
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you are letting rhyme dictate your meaning, ie lines 7 & 8
Most of your lines are punctuated at the end whether they are complete thoughts or not (most are not). This isn’t necessary and creates stop. After stop. In your work. Which takes away from. Your piece.
“I’m new at this as could be.” grammatically all over the place. I’m as new as can be at this, although that’s a poor sentence as well. Use a metaphor. As new as a faun, wobbly on it’s legs. Poetic devices.
” hard … previous work.” Doesn’t even makes sense. What is it hard to think about? poetry? hard to write? It isn’t hard to sit and think about most things, so you have to tell your reader what you’re saying—that’s your job.
” With writing my poems, its hard to not repeat.” This sentence should not contain the word “with”. Repeat what? Ideas? Words? Images? The same poem?
“It’s easyer for me to put together sort, simply, easy and sweet.” easier. Your “sort” typo makes it unclear what you are trying to say. Repition of ‘easy’ in this line is negligent.
Count how many times you use ‘work’ ‘time’ ‘rhyme’ ‘book’. Repetition should be intentional and for emphasis. Otherwise, it’s just boring for your reader.
“and think; on how to do. ” not the place for semi-colon, on how to do what? Generally you don’t want to end a sentence with ‘do’ and it’s a good idea to show your reader what you’re trying to do.
Keep working at this. It is really good advice to read more poetry, whomever has encouraged you to do this is so right. Some of my personal favorites are Dean Young, Charles Simic, Wallace Stevens. Don’t give up, but really think about what you’re saying and decide if it makes sence in normal speaking- not just what you think poetry should sound like.
Good luck!
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