Poetry / Gone

This piece is very touching.
I love the intimacy between this desperate person and his/her soul. The sense of guilt is always present and underlined by the isolated words “I”, “and” repeated several times. It’s a goodbye prayer, simple, clear, direct and true. I don’t have much to say to improve it, except maybe to drop some “that”, to make it more fluent and maybe in the last verse you meant “they’re” instead of “their”.
That’s all for me, good job.  

Ohmigod, i hope you are still here. This is so powerful. You might need to straighten up the structure but who gives a shit. I am upset, here. I do the suicide hotline. I hear this theme. All the things you are saying is true to life. God bless you. I hope you are ok.  A good poem evokes feeling. You certianly did that with me. Sandi

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August 21, 2008

by destined2bgreat

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
139	74.6% (67 votes)	14.5%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
40	F	Killeen, TX	November 11

You are such a beautiful soul, God certainly leads people to their rightful positions because you are certainly the type of person I would like to have on the other end of the line if I ever called in. God bless you too and thank you for reading.

August 21, 2008

by oknapp

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632	78.6% (271 votes)	47.0%

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46	F	Salem, IN	November 21

I will read whatever you have. You are so versatile
Thank you so much. I really do care about my felloe
or woman. We are all that we have believe it or not. Sandi

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You double me over with your one liners that I think you should base another poem or story after, for example: just tell them that I loved them and
I just cant bear to harm them anymore

this is so sad. I would beg to pay you for me to use this

You have to understand stanza structure, and develop imagery. You are bordering on brilliance.

I like the way the words just flow.

OUCH!

EXTREMELY POWERFUL!!!

I can’t tell you how much I empathize..because well…its way WAY too many times…that I have felt exactly the way this piece says..better off gone.

But alas…”God is Great & God is Good” and he knows what he is doing..
everything happens for a reason..and he never sends us more than we can chew I always say…

after I’ve gone through and deal with whatever it was that made me feel about me this way…I know deep DEEP inside..that I am a STRONGER WOMAN/person because of it…

I seriously LOVE your piece..it says what I feel and have felt..
you got it! you found it! you touched it!

GREAT JOB! EVERYTHING IS GOOD!

:o)

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August 17, 2008

by destined2bgreat

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
139	74.6% (67 votes)	14.5%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
40	F	Killeen, TX	November 11

So true God is good and he goes there in that deep place where the root of all pain and sorrow hides. thank you again for reading.

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