Poetry / "Irish Mourn" (Analysis)

Beautiful. I am a sucker for anything Irish. I can picture this, the cliffs, her grief the waves crashing over rocks. The poem has a nice haunting air about it.  I would like to make suggestions. Before i do, let me say that everything i have learned about poetry has been here. i am a novice okay. In my notion there is a few things that stops this good poem from being a great one. It is the arrangement of your lovely words.

Cool green mists drifts over the sea.
The run rises tremulously over the shoreline
A woman in  Greek silk
Floats above the sands …

The poem seems a bit passive…
As she walks past.. Picture this in your mind. She is just walking,but above  you describe her as  ”floating.” You can think of ways to take out the passive voice.

The wind whips and floats her hair..,.Take out floats. You have used float three times.  It ruins the flow. The wind whips through her hair takes out some of its Passivity.
The resonance…. of what.

As the wind resonates against the cliffs. I am not sure resonance is a good word here.
Put some action words in this.
In stanza three you have two different descriptions of the wind. I would pick one and take the other out. A lovely piece that needs just a little tweaking. Above are some things that i hope are helpful. Sandi

I like it.
“The wind whips and floats her hair
with the lilting Irish breeze”
I can envision this woman walking across the sand as the wind brushes past her, whipping her dress and hair. The brief description of the wave below her, I can hear them and envision this cliff you speak of…
“She mourns her lost love…and claimed her.” So beautiful. The grief of losing someone or being lost. I can’t express it.
Very good even though it’s vague…but it’s expected with something you vaguely remember. I think it was well put together.

I like the clever title, but to be more literally accurate, I think it should be “Mourning”.
“haunted ballad” – haunting ballad
The third stanza is a bit too much of a list to be effective, I think.  try rearranging it a bit into separate sentences.
“cradled her / And claimed her.” -> cut the first “her” – it’s superfluous.
I liked this!  Smooth and simple, and not too trite.  Nice!  :)

First one little typo that needs fising-
..”sea as the run rises tremulously…” change run to sun

Now this poem is lovely and the story sounds almost like a commingling of “The Lady of Chalote,” and a local folk tale. The imagery used was particularly effective and the sadness wonderfully expressed. Godd work and good luck with this piece!

Hey Stranger,

”...the sea as the run rises tremulously…”  -I’m confused. is ‘run’ supposed to be sun?

In the second stanza I would change ‘prickles’ with ‘prick’. It keeps the pace.

I love the penultimate and last stanza!

Very good:)

D.C

Your talent is great

Nice tight stanzas

I was expecting green silk

Could you tell us the song she sings?
Wy do you capitalize each line?

One of the best poems I’ve read today.

This piece is very beautiful having no idea of the legend. Your descriptions were very romantic and I love the green/emerald used throughout the poem. You did a very good job.