Thank you ma’am. If you get a chance to, read chapter 1. It sets up the story. By the way, it was my “anit-Stephanie Meyers” rebellion piece!
Horror / Tristan and Isolde--A Vampire Romance Chapter 2
Even in my weakened state, I slept but lightly. It was more like I was in a trance, aware of my surroundings and feeling deeply relaxed. I wanted to lose consciousness, and certainly the comfortable sofa, the warmth of the afghan, and the fire which was now burning low seemed to invite it, yet somehow sleep eluded me. I craved the release of sleep, but was denied it. I wondered if this was part of what I had become.
So, instead of sleeping I lay there, neither asleep nor awake, but somehow losing awareness of where I was. I wasn’t aware that I had lost consciousness, but I wakened with a jolt when I heard the front door open and shut, and voices speaking in French.
I looked at the elegant grandfather clock; the hands said 3:30. Three guys about my age came into the living room and stopped and looked at me.
“Is this a present for us from Tristan?” The one who spoke was slightly smaller than the others, blond, and very Teutonic looking. Too much so—he gave me the creeps. He could have been a Hitlerjungen by his looks, his French was accented, and I could tell it was not his native language.
“Hush, Rainer,” a voice spoke in English, “We probably woke him up. We evidently have a new brother now. Can’t you tell he was made tonight? I can.” He came around to the sofa, and sat on the edge of the coffee table opposite. “I am Claude. I am originally from Nantes, in France. I met Tristan during Napoleon’s retreat from Moscow. He saved me, as he has evidently saved you. I have lived with him ever since.”
“The rude one is Rainer Schmidt. We found him in Berlin at the end of World War I. He was alone and scared, starving, and sleeping in alleys and doorways, too frightened to kill. There was much chaos in Germany in those days. We didn’t know how long he’d been made, or by whom. Tristan took him with us back to Paris. For reasons he chooses not to not to share, he keeps his memories of his life before coming to us secret.” He cast a look of dislike at the diminutive blond vampire.
“We met Fabian in Rome.” In contrast to Claude’s plain looks—brown hair, long Gallic nose, brown eyes—this one was could have stepped out of a Renaissance painting. I never noticed whether a guy was good looking or not, but Fabian had a classic profile, curly black hair, dark eyes, and perfect olive skin. He was only slightly taller than Rainer, but looked like he’d spent a lot of time in the gym, if vampires did that kind of thing.
“I found them,” said Fabian, “I knew what they were the minute I saw them. It was at the end of World War II and my family had scattered—my vampire family I mean. I’d found it too lonely to be on my own. There were still a lot of the Allies stationed in Rome, and Mussolini had yet to go to trial. To have a family helps to insure safety, and though the war officially was over, things had not gone back to normal. I love Italy and I am a Roman in fact and at heart. It is hard for me to be away from Roma, but I felt very secure with Tristan and Claude.
It was Claude’s turn to take up the narrative. “Tristan has revealed very little of his past to us. I think he had been a soldier for a very long time when he found me dying. Like me, he was loyal to Bonaparte until we were forced to invade Russia. Bonaparte nearly killed all of his army and many many good men died. My company had been shot up by Russian partisans. I was the only left and I was slowly dying in the snow. I don’t know why Tristan chose to save me—there were so many lost and dying—but he did, and I am grateful.” He patted me on the leg and went over to the cabinet where Isolde kept her cognac, and opened it.
He pulled out a bottle of red wine and poured himself a glass. He took a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one, then settled in a chair.
“You might be a Frenchman, but you seem to forget that you’re a vampire.” Rainer’s tone was scornful, but he shut up at a look from Claude.
“I keep telling you, little Hun, that wine can strengthen our blood. Even Tristan takes an occasional glass or two. We just have to be careful not to drink too much, or be prepared to be very drunk.” At this he smiled and winked at me.
The little German pointed at me. “You. You have a name?” He was blunt to the point of being rude.
“My name is Steven.” I felt on the defensive with him. Maybe it was his arrogant attitude; maybe he just looked too Aryan for me with his blond hair, blue eyes, and fair skin. I dislike few people on first impression, but I found myself wishing fervently that he was not a part of Tristan and Isolde’s household. There was something about him that did not feel quite right.
We all sat silently. I’d never read Anne Rice, and did not believe, up until this point, in vampires; but I noticed that this silent sitting seemed to come naturally, even to me. I wondered what other things would start to feel normal to me after my transformation; I purposely did not allow myself to think about the fact that I had become a killer and would take the lives of people I did not even know. It was too early to think about that now.
At last Claude stood up. “We should leave the newcomer alone and let him rest. I’m for bed myself, and we’ve had a later night than normal.”
He seemed to be the leader, because even little Rainer followed his lead when he went up the stairs. I was glad to see them go; even though I liked Claude and Fabian and would have liked to find out a little more about them, right now I felt like being alone.
The grandfather clock chimed eight when I came out of my trance a second time. Isolde had come downstairs, hair still wet from her shower, and she carried a large coffee thermos and two cups. She filled one for herself, then asked if I like to drink coffee.
“Vampires can drink coffee?” I asked incredulously, and she laughed. I liked the sound of her laughter.
“Coffee is a fluid. Your body can tolerate some fluids. Tristan and Claude, even Fabian, drink coffee and wine. Just not large amounts. All three were raised on wine in their mortal lives. You’ll find out what you can tolerate by trial and error. Claude swears that he’s survived on red wine before when he wasn’t able to make a kill.”
She talked about it so easily, as if she, too, were a vampire. Then I remember Tristan saying that he had given her a small amount of his blood to keep her alive when he found her.
I had so many questions I wanted to ask her. I wanted to know about her and Tristan. I wanted to know about the other vampires who lived with them. But most importantly, I wanted to ask her about Rainer and what she thought of him.
She got up and poured a few drops of cognac into her coffee, then sat back down. “Now is a good time to ask me questions. The others are sleeping and Tristan has yet to get up.” She lifted her brows quizzically, as if to say “I know you want to ask me things, so ask!”
“Rainer, what about Rainer? I don’t like him and I don’t even know him. Why should I mind him when I don’t mind Claude and Fabian?”
“Because Rainer is a killer.” She stated this matter-of-factly. “He doesn’t kill for need, he kills for the thrill. Both he and I know that he would kill me in a heartbeat if it weren’t for Tristan. He calls me a “morsel”, a “meal”, a “fine-bouqueted wine”. He’d kill me just to kill me; but he knows that Tristan would follow him to the ends of the earth to return the favor.”
“Never turn your back on him, never trust him. Never hunt with him; you have no guarantee that he wouldn’t turn around and kill you just for fun. Hunt with Claude, hunt with Fabian, but no matter what he says to try to entice you, never hunt with Rainer.” She refilled her cup from the thermos.
“Ah, bonjour cherie,” Tristan kissed Isolde very tenderly on top of her head. He was dressed in light wool trousers with a matching silk shirt. He seemed to favor moss greens and browns, and looked himself like he could have been a creature of the forest. He took the other coffee cup and filled it from the thermos.
“I was telling our boy here to be careful of Rainer. Do you have anything to add?”
“Isolde, I think you have told him everything that I could have and more. Listen to her, she knows our boys well. I will teach you all I can to help you prevent a misstep, but you must learn to look out for yourself. Do you have anything you’d like to know?”
“Yeah, why am I awake during the daytime? Is it because the drapes are so heavy? I could see myself in the mirror, was I imagining things? Are there things that can hurt me?”
“Well,” Tristan put on a mock serious face, “We can open the drapes if you like. We just like a little privacy in the mornings. And yes, you can see yourself in the mirror and you can go out in the sun. Yes there are things that can hurt you. You can be killed by a stake through your hear—that is not a myth. The same if someone cuts off your head. You can be killed by fire. But you won’t be rendered powerless by a crucifix.” He and Isolde laughed as if this were an old joke.
“You mean I can just live my life as if I weren’t a vampire. There’s no big giveaway to let people know what I am?”
He reached over and poured cognac in his coffee as Isolde had. “No, not quite. You have to be careful around mortals. You haven’t hunted yet, so you don’t know the lure of the scent of blood. Once you do, you must learn to hold yourself and your urges back, no matter how strongly your nature dictates otherwise. That is how we have learned to live with human beings over the centuries. There are those of us who choose to live in the light, while others go to ground. It becomes a matter of control. And remembering to feed, always make sure you’ve fed.”
“So I’m not going to be sleeping in a coffin and shunning the daylight, like Count Dracula. And no turning into a bat.”
“No, but part of the legend could have originated this way: it is safer for us to hunt at night than during the day. You can hide in the shadows and dispose of a body more easily. We are efficient killing machines. Our fangs piece the skin easily, we can drink quickly, and we are strong enough to overwhelm our prey. But don’t forget, the most important thing is how you choose to live your life. You can live like Rainer and be nothing more than a killer, or you can imitate Claude and Fabian and kill only when you need to.”
“Or you.”
“Or like me. You are young and will need to hunt and feed more frequently. The older a vampire becomes, the less often he needs to hunt.”
Isolde stood up and stretched. “He will need his things, Tristan. If he can maintain the illusion of living, then no one will be the wiser.” She turned to me, “You can tell your housemates you have found better living quarters. Take Claude and Fabi during a time when your roommates will be gone and then you can get your belongings. I think you should keep going to school.” She turned to Tristan, “I think that would be best. If he ever decides to leave us, he will have to make his way in the world.”
Tristan put his arms around her waist and pulled her down. “Cherie, cherie, you worry too much. He can stay with us forever if he likes, and he’ll want for nothing.”
“He’s welcome to stay forever, but I believe in education. He shouldn’t be cut off from that,” she said darkly, “it’s Rainer I want to leave, but he won’t leave here until he kills me. I see it in his eyes, he wants my death. Even if I left you, he’d follow me so he could kill me, just because he wants to.”
“But I won’t let him have you,” Tristan assured her, “I swear by all that is sacred that I will not allow him to hurt you. I’ll change you before I let him harm you. And besides, I don’t want you to leave me, ever.” He held her tightly to him and I could see the pain in his face. He knew that Rainer was just waiting for his chance; and he would have to sacrifice Isolde’s mortality, the thing he held so dear, and make her one of the undead, too.
Everything I had heard had sparked my curiosity about all of them. I am not particularly intuitive. I take things at face value; but I had heard things now that went beyond the boundaries of my beliefs. So I had to ask the question.
I took a deep breath. It seemed strange that I still breathed as I had when I was alive, or should I say, before I was transformed? Still I was determined to ask Tristan a question.
“Uh, is it true that you were with Napoleon’s army? “ Isolde smiled as I said this.
“Well, since you ask,” his tone was amused, “I joined the French army in 1795, and was under the command of a young lieutenant from Corsica who called himself “Napoleon Bonaparte”. I could see that he was a rising star and I attached myself to him. I rose in rank and became one of his aides. I was with him on several campaigns, including Italy and Egypt.” He stopped there as if he thought that ought to satisfy me.
“But Claude said that you made him a vampire during the retreat from Moscow? Were you already a vampire when you joined the French army? Or did it happen afterwards?” I was pushing this as hard as I could.
Tristan smiled cryptically. “Let me just say this. I am very old. I have been a vampire for a long time. The fact that I could not be killed helped my career with Bonaparte considerably. But when he invaded Russia, when he almost destroyed his own army, I parted ways with him when I returned home. If you are asking if I was already a vampire when I joined Le Grande Armee, the answer is yes. And that’s all I’ll say for now. Someday you may find out the whole story. In the mean time what I’ve told you will have to satisfy you.”
I wasn’t even half satisfied. In a not so subtle way he’d dropped a hint that there was more to him than what he’d just told me. I hate secrets, and now my life was going to nothing but secrets. Secrets from my friends, secrets from my family, and what was going to happen if I met a girl?
I tried to adopt a casual attitude, like this was nothing more than a casual conversation. “I’d like some coffee, if it’s all right. And a little of that cognac would be nice if it’s okay. I hope all my questions didn’t offend you.”
“I’ll answer that,” said Isolde, “No, you didn’t. To find out anything from Tristan you often have to ask.” They laughed together as if this was some private joke.
“Oh god,” I thought, “What have I gotten myself into? Well, welcome to your new world, Steven.”
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1Nevermind1 reviewed Version 3 -
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Hm. You’re a fluent writer, and I like your ideas, but this remind me of something i’ve already read. However, this may be a complete coincidence cos a lot of a vampire stuff overlaps.
You definitely got a good sense of character though, and even though i hadn’t read anything you’ve written before this I get what’s going on, which is a good thing.
Nice ending as well, for a chapter, very concluding. Keep writing :)
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terriwilliams reviewed Version 3 -
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This is a wonderfully told story. I was captured the minute I started reading. I love to be totally pulled in by a story. The questions that Steven asked Isolde, I had often wondered myself. In this story, there is no coffin to sleep in, and you can actually go out into the sun. I loved the fact that you didn’t stick with the same vampire routine. Different is great. This is brilliant writing.
youngwriter92 reviewed Version 3 -
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i find that it is very easy to get sucked into your story and i was glad to see that you had your second chapter posted. I hope that if you get your story published because i would sooooo buy it! I saw one or two mistakes out of it all.
NachtXEngel reviewed Version 3 -
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In my opinion, it moves a little too fast. Or maybe it’s just the conversations- the way they take place doesn’t seem real to me. Try and slow down a bit… if you can; unless you’re trying to make merely a short story. But if not, add in some extra bits. More description. More memories of the night before…. it just seems too casual with all his question- asking.
Other than that, wonderful job.
madriter1022 reviewed Version 2 -
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I felt like some of your dialect seemed a little strained, don’t be afraid to slip into your character and give them thier own voice. I think some of the wording needs a little work, but the stroy line is interesting.
lupi reviewed Version 2 -
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In general, I liked this piece. Just wondering are Tristan and Isolde based on Troilus and Cressida and if so, Shakespeare’s version or Chaucer’s? Or are you basing them on another piece of literature? (Shakespeare was well-known for re-working other’s stories to fit his own needs.)
One thing I was not clear on was how easily the group answered his questions. I would have thought that Tristan (and maybe Isolde) would be the most likely to answer questions as he was the one who apparently turned Steven. Yet Tristan seemed much more secretive than the others.
And why would Tristan tolerate Rainier’s presence if A) he wasn’t the one to turn him, and B) he clearly knows that Rainier would kill Isolde (whom he apparently loves) in a heartbeat?
Just some questions that came to mind as I was reading.
TourmentedSoulz reviewed Version 2 -
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My Dear I give you a standing ovation!Once more you have seemed to be able to mesmerize and captivate my mind.I can not wait until the next chapter is uploaded for all to read. You have mass quantities of talent, and I advise you to seek out an agent. One would be considered to be out of their mind if they didn’t sign you after reading just one chapter of your tale.
MisterP reviewed Version 2 -
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The way the three intruders introduce themselves is obvious and feels very wooden, contrived in the same way as a 1930s stage play. Why are they doing this? Surely they know each other and at this point in the story the reader might well be better off not knowing as uncertainty can only make the reader feel on edge, which is surely what you want to achieve.
The dialogue also feels wooden and stilted. What have you got against Germans?
Why does Claude go to the drinks cabinet that holds Isolde’s cognac and pull out a bottle of wine? What’s wrong with the cognac?
‘We all sat silently. I’d never read Anne Rice’ – If Steven has never read her then how does he know she writes about vampires?
Sitting round in silence is not dramatic prose and if you are not careful you’ll be lining Steven up for some sitting round in silence later on. May need a rethink.
Do you really have to have a conversation about whether your characters can drink coffee or not?
Technical point, you shouldn’t use double quotes within a piece of dialogue as it suggests that dialogue has finished.
‘Never turn your back on him…’ – You’re really labouring the point about not hunting with Rainer.
Then Tristan appears, apparently, from nowhere. A suggestion that he was walking down the stairs might be an idea.
You make a point of describing what Tristan is wearing but Isolde and Steven could just as well be naked, we don’t know.
‘stake through your hear -’ – sounds nasty!
’ Our fangs piece the skin easily, we can drink quickly’ – missing an r here, and drink what quickly, coffee, cognac, blood?
Keeping up your school studies seems an irrelevance considering he’s going to be a vampire. Plenty of time to earn a living without having to stay at school.
Overall I like the way you are attempting to update the notion of vampire. So the premise of the story is good but I have the disadvantage of not having read the first chapter.
What strikes me, as a reader, is that you don’t write with confidence; and that is apparent in the way the dialogue does not flow naturally (no pun intended). A writer who knows just how their characters are going to react in a given situation also knows just what they are going to say and that confidence leaps off the page; and that is what is missing here. It feels as if one person says something… then something is explained… then another person speaks… and so on.
I realise that you will read this as a negative comment, but I have been honest and I hope you can take something away from it.
What ever you think, keep writing.
sjvance reviewed Version 2 -
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he chooses not to not to share -repeat
this one was could have stepped out of a – delete was
me to be away from Roma, but -Rome
Our fangs piece the skin easily, – pierce
I hope all my questions didn’t offend you.” - you answered this in your story by saying, “no, you didn’t.” I would change one sentence or the other. ”I hope all my questions didn’t offend you.” ”Of course they didn’t.” Or better, “I hope asking all of these questions hasn’t offended you.” ”No, it hasn’t.” something like that, just to make the sentences flow better.
I read the beginning of this story, and it is getting better. You did a good job letting Stephen know what to expect and what to do now. The characters are coming along nicely, and the new one of Ranier promises to be a great rival later in the story. This is an excellent read, much like Stephanie Meyers. I am enjoying reading it. Keep going.
serenitylace reviewed Version 1 -
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Your descriptions are great, however it seems like there is alot left out of the story. I enjoyed it though and would gladly read more of it.
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